The Transformation of Kern

I Guess What I'm Trying To Say Is.....

2010-12-30T22:39:00.002-05:00

You know what happens when you move a lot, like, every two yrs since you were 18? You create single servings, of everything (Thanks Fight Club). Single serving homes, bosses, driving short cuts, friends, gym habits, everything. You stay with one foot out the door knowing the next adventure is just a step away. And while it's a lot of fun to explore new things, cultures, meet new people, it's also really hard to have any semblance of a consistent life. I never said my life was one narrow line, nor do I want it to do. Change is my ever flowing constant, and I love that. But, what if for a moment, I chose to settle? Plant roots, get to know people, let people get to know me, network, volunteer, get involved in my community? Not to say I can't or haven't in the places I've resided for just a short time but moving has become such a habit that sitting still is a voluntary movement. "Ah, these people are nice but when I move I'm sure we won't stay in touch, why bother?" or "This music is okay but since we plan to move I think I'll just ignore it, not get too close" to anything or even anyone. It's hurt me in the long run, here I am two years in and really no one to call a friend. No one nearby I can call and hang out with on the last minute. Not a big deal for a girl who plans to move away again anyway. But what if that's all changed? What if suddenly the looking glass went dim and now all you see is this city surrounding you? What then.

Well I guess that means it's time to explore this twin city and the community. To give myself in to it. Including the music, the people, and the highly opinionated religious views. Time to start weighing in the good and ignoring the bad, at least enough for me to hold my tongue. No more single servings but maybe more servings at the coffee shop. More wine to dine, more wings to eat, more music to explore, more pictures to take. Time to plant some roots and sit around for a while. Have the feeling of truly relaxing and calling a city home. I always believe that home is where you lay your head at night as long as those you care about are nearby. Doesn't matter if it's a hotel, another city, a loft, a house, or even a tent, where your heart lays so does your home. But wouldn't it be nice to really feel at home in a city? To know the city streets, the people, the vibe? To feel it beat within your own heart? Wouldn't that be nice to know?

We will see I guess, the beach can wait.

On What I'm Doing Right Now

2010-08-01T21:32:00.003-04:00

Sitting in a hotel room in a small ass town with a dog I had to sneak in. Shhhhhhhhh! So far he's only barked once and when I went to take him potty I stuck him in a bag where he refused to keep his head down. We made it this time, wonder how lucky we'll be next time.

Also, this week, my family is at the beach. I was supposed to go. I requested the time off but it got denied for a training program that is conveniently happening this week. All I get is a t shirt and < .50 cent raise. This better be worth it. (I already hate this company.)

Consider me bitter and a rebel. That is my week.

On Where I'm At

2010-06-30T19:26:00.003-04:00

Isn't it funny how rapidly life grows and things shine in to focus then out again? I haven't touched this blog since February and no need to either. Suddenly, within the last few weeks, I've felt an overwhelming urge to spill my soul onto these pages yet again. Quick remarks won't cut it these days and sometimes that's okay.

This blended post belongs to all things current. With my thoughts stretching out like a maze and the length of rope too short to lasso one concentrated thought I've decided to blurt about it all. Consider it a rewelcoming.

I don't know how long this urge to post long winded posts will be but I'll enjoy it while it lasts.

Currently I am digging;

NPR. Recently I made the 11hr trip up to New York to visit with family and shoot a wedding and because my car is an ancient 2005 my only music option is cds. I just didn't feel like listening to the same 6 cds over and over and over and over again so I opted for some NPR. It kept me wide awake which I have this horrible habit of falling nearly to sleep on the road. It's just so soothing and before I know it my eyelids are like concrete and my neck can no longer carry my head. It's pretty scary actually, to catch a Z and jump to consciousness realizing you've got a steering wheel in your hands. So NPR has filled the void by making my brain think about the interesting stories they talk about. Ever since then I've been hooked. Haven't listened to a cd since!

Hiking. I want to hike. I want to hike everywhere! I've done a lot lately and it leaves me hungry for more. I want one of those hiking sticks so I can put all sorts of medallions on it!

Outdoor Pools. It's been my summer mission to find an outdoor pool for me to use. No such luck yet but once I find one I'll be glued every Monday & Tuesday I am not hiking. Most likely those ucky humid days where hiking would be a disastrous nightmare.

Photography. I've been digging some awesome photography lately. Finding lots of inspiring photogs as well as growing my own skill set. It's killer.

Fresh Fruit. They are all sorts of yummy this season. I want it to last and last but I know it won't.

Summer Storms. They rock. We've been having a lot of evening storms pop up and they always make things interesting. They bring fresh air, amazing lightning shows, and base that'll knock your face!

New York. When I went up to NY this last trip I discovered more about the place than I did in the 15 or so years I lived there! The weather was so pleasant and perfect for exploration. I wish I knew of the awesomeness that is New York.

Just a few of the many things I am enjoying at this moment. May I see y'ins soon!

>1 Year Later

2010-02-20T21:37:00.002-05:00

And when I see those faces from the past I go through a kaleidoscope of emotions. I don't seek out these faces, they pop out in unwelcome surprise and the shock of emotion swells like the angry tide. I thought I was over it, put it to rest, but it's like an angry ghost ready for more haunting. I don't know why it's so hard to swallow this pill. Maybe because there was so much left undone and unsaid. Rarely do I go out without guns blazing, or at least my piece of the pie handed out. Over one year later and I still feel the overwhelming urge to do something, anything. Anything to bring closure at last.

Will it ever happen or will the feelings just dim enough that eventually they'll feel like a flame flickering out?

Originally

2009-12-09T18:33:00.002-05:00

I had thought I could do many little random snippits on this blog but it seems it's complicated. If I want to reblog what someone else wrote to include my own commentary, forget it. This is the place for long winded rants and raves and I love it so. It's my little bitty corner of the internet.

However, I think lots of random things that don't add up into a well thought out blog post so I needed a place for that. It originally started as a picture blog but then I started to follow lots of other tumblrs and it just happened. Today as a matter of fact. So I will use that spot for quick thoughts and this lovely area to spill my heart out.

If you have a tumblr follow me over here! Heck you don't even need a tumblr!

P.S. I so totally just had a photoshoot for my dog in front of my Christmas tree. Yes, yes I did. Pics soon!

Procrastination

2009-12-08T14:07:00.003-05:00

This is funny. I just read a blog post on procrastination and now I am doing it myself. I have a list of things I could be doing instead of writing a blog post but I'm not. Oh the rebel in me continues!

Let me finish my NY story real quick then I'll get to the more recent stuff. So Thanksgiving was a bunch of fun especially since I didn't cook. I just ate! I'm good at that you see. Then I helped clean after dinner. It's sort of an unspoken agreement in MY household with The Lover that if he cooks I will clean but if I cook I will clean. aha. Anyway, I was fulfilling my duties when a whole bunch of my female family members all decided to pitch in. As we were cleaning away we began to sing Christmas Carols. It was an almost magical moment until my grandmother started in. haha Just kidding! But no really, it was great and I think we even had great harmony! It definitely brought out some of that hidden Christmas spirit.

Then on Friday everyone kind of hung out. We played Guitar Hero band. I think I like this one better because the drums has symbols. Anyways, EVERYONE pitched in on the singing, guitars, drums, all of it! It was fun even if we did fail every single song. That is until the hardcore players got on there. HA !

On Saturday everyone left. What poops! My sister and I went to see New Moon. I am team Jacob now, he is just so freaking hot. I also think the movie is missing a key point that is pushing everyone to Jacob. In the books you got a sense that this was fate, Edward and Bella, as if there was nothing else, it just was so it was going to just be. In the movies it seems to be portrayed as some freaking high schooler not knowing enough about life to stay free of obsession with boys. Oh well.

Sunday we were supposed to go home but we didn't. We stayed another day and made it to the Niagara Falls. Since none of us had passports except the bro we had to stay on the American side but it was still nice. Cold though, veeeeeeeeery cold. After that we saw the bro's apartment in Buffalo while he attends UB and that's it. THE END.

Since we've been back here I've been super busy. No complaints! The Lover went home that weekend we got back and came home with lots of new toys! Christmas came early for him and I'm so excited he's getting what he deserves because life has been unfairly hard on him. One of the gifts were TWO brand new mattresses! One for us and one for the guest bed which was previously a slat of cardboard....haha sorry guests! Our mattress is so squishily soft! It's like a little cocoon and I love it so! The Lover also got a new dslr camera and a huuuuuuuuuuuge iMac! I'm so jealous because it's so beautiful! He needed a new computer as his laptop was giving him the blue screen of death literally every week. He was over it!

Next we decided it was time to get a tree! Because we have 20ft or so ceilings we wanted to go big. We don't know if we'll have that opportunity ever again! So we stopped at this pre-cut lot that gets their trees from a local mountain. The price was right on a 12' tree we just needed a new heavy duty stand! This tree is 250lbs!!! So we went to another lot to see what their prices were like and if they had any tips for standing this monster! Not only were they MORE expensive but they told us the best way to get it to stand was to hook a strap into the wall and wrap it around the tree! WHAT On our way out they told us we wouldn't find it cheaper anywhere else. LOL

So we finally get this tree and I have to help lug this thing inside. Usually no problem but who knew a few extra feet would add 300 more pounds to the darn thing?? After lots of grunting and screaming we got it in and up! We waited a day to decorate so the bows could fall and also we needed to get more decorations. We used a ladder to decorate this darn thing and put on 1,000 lights. We went with a red and silver theme and I am so pleased with it! It's such a pretty, MASSIVE beast. The Lover put a train around it and we called it a night! It is definitely the biggest tree I've ever had, officially. It's insane!

Best of 2009

2009-12-05T18:46:00.002-05:00

I never follow the rules. It's a pretty bad trait of mine but whatever. If I can get away with it it's not ALL that bad is it?

Soooooooo a lot of my bloggy friends are doing a series of Best of 2009. Really the only one I think I can answer is best trip of 2009.

This was a hard one because we actually went to several different places so I had to make it an even tie. One was the trip to NY recently to see all my family for the holidays. It was a lot of fun to see everyone and reconnect. Life is so much more different when you're an adult, almost easier sometimes. aha what?

The other one would be our numerous trips to Charleston. I know, I know, will she just shut up about that city already?? Um, no. I can't and don't feel like even trying! I love that town and the memories we've already acquired are AWESOME.

I don't really have a Best of 2009 restaurant, book, going out night, or whatever. Nothing stands out as WOW! Know what I mean?

2009 isn't over yet but it's getting ever closer! I just decorated the loft today while it snowed outside and the Christmas music played. I'm very pleased with the outlook but I want to try and add more if I can! All we really need is a tree and maybe some festive dish towels or something for the kitchen. Ah, I love Christmas!

Holiday Wrap Up

2009-12-01T17:00:00.003-05:00

You know how awesome it is to get away from the dang computer for a little while? REALLY AWESOME! Except I came back to no less than 500 blog posts to read. I am now down to 201 and it's only Tuesday, ha!

It was fun having a big family shindig for Thanksgiving. The Lover and I made our 11 hour trip up the day before everyone else. It was nice to enjoy the calm before the storm. The next day all the family came all at once. We honestly had three van loads of people pull into the driveway AT ONCE. So there was lots of hugging, helloing, chaos, dogs running every which way, and etc happening at the same time. My sister and I got a moment to look at each other and the very same thought hit our brains "I'll be outside parking cars...for the season..." It was a very Crhistmas Vacation-y moment but we loved it. With four dogs, two itty bitty kids, 5 big kids, three even bigger kids, and lots of adults the place was bustling. I don't remember seeing The Lover except when we went to bed at night.

It was super great to have everyone together. We had 36lbs. of turkey ready for eating along with every fixing imaginable. One turkey was deep fried and it was incredibly juicy on the inside. Definitely a favorite. We also had so much desert and hors d'eurves. Or however you spell it!

That is a cheeseball snowman and a turkey cake! I drew the turkey and sis made the cake/helped decorate. It was awesome!

More later....

The Holidays Begin!

2009-11-21T16:37:00.002-05:00

Hi there!

I can barely sit still I am so excited. Last year I had plans to go to NY for Christmas but had to cancel last minute due to lots of financial issues and just plain HELL that broke all around us but now, NOW I get to go for Thanksgiving!! And it's not just me that's going! No it's two aunts, 4 cousins, one cute baby, my grandmother, their respective SO's, and dogs! There are going to be 18 people crashing in two different houses. It will be madness but it will be family madness!

I get to see my brother and sister! My father and his girlfriend. My cousin with the cutest 2 yr olf EVEVEVEVEVEVEVEVER! The Lover gets to see where I grew up! I get to see New Moon with the sis (haha shhhhhhh I know, I know). I'm catching up with old friends when I get there too! It is going to be a most excellent time and I won't get a wink of sleep between now and Tuesday since the excitement has really just hit!

I have so much to do before then. Lots of packing, wrapping, preparing, cleaning, etc. etc.

What are your plans for Thanksgiving???

Yusssssssssssssss!

2009-11-20T23:10:00.002-05:00

Made for Victorian

2009-11-16T16:45:00.002-05:00

Let me say this; I am so blessed and in turn so grateful! Life has been very kind to me and I make sure to be double thankful for all the good that comes my way. I have been given so many opportunities to experience new things and it makes me hungry for more. I want to explore it all.

On that note, I've found a new obsession. Or maybe a new ideal. The Lover and I currently live in a gorgeous downtown loft. It's not your typical loft, I would call it a luxury loft if I had to describe it. I say this because it contains 2,300 sq. feet of living space and that is enormous for what most people consider a loft. It has two bedrooms with one being a very spacey master suite. It even has a deck! I feel so spoiled to be calling this home but trust me, we are paying for it!!

We have decided to lease because we snagged this when The Lover discovered he was being relocated for work. We barely knew the area and didn't want to lock into a mortgage without knowing if we were going to stay here for a while or what! And while I love the loft and the downtown living I miss a few things about actually having a home but now that we've been spoiled with such a gorgeous place we don't want to settle in just any ol' place.

While living in this town we discovered that property values are significantly lower than say, Charleston. I believe it is due to the average salary of this place though I can't tell you how many beemers, mercedes, porsches, lexus I've seen driving around here! Moving on, knowing that property value are actually affordable here we've wandered around some of the nicer neighborhoods trying to find something comparable to this amazing loft.

The other day we just happened to find it! It is a few blocks away from downtown and even the loft we reside in currently! It's a historic district with amazing old Victorian style homes. These homes are at least 4,000 sq. feet with amazing porches, bay windows, old brick, great backyards, wide streets, old trees, and lots of style. We looked at one that is currently for sale just on a whim. It was beautiful with hardwood floors, nice open rooms, tall ceilings, and roughly thirty different rooms! We called the owner just to see what the asking price was and they wanted 96k for it!! We couldn't believe it! It did look like it needed some tlc but we weren't afraid of a little work if the price was right.

So later in the week we met with our construction friend who could look at the house with a trained eye and tell us what the real figures were to get this house back up to par! It is currently split into four apartment with four kitchens and four bathrooms, because it's been empty for 5 years and in a historic district it had to be changed back into a single family home, ok with us!

After some further review our friend discovered some major issues. Apparently there was a fire that did some considerable damage to the roof and the previous owner just covered it up instead of really fixing it. There was also a lot of wood rotting due to a leaky roof. So our friend called his roof guy to see what the cost would be just to replace the roof. He told us it would be close to $30,000 just to get the roof back in order. Holy smokes!

We walked away from it. After some serious consideration we decided that was too much effort for too little gain. However, in the place of walking away we came to the conclusion that we would like to move into that neighborhood when our lease is up in Feb. of 2011. So now we are making plans to save everything we can while keeping an eye on the homes in that area. How lovely it would be to have an old style Victorian with great big rooms ready to keep several guests, perfect for the holidays! A home with many windows and many more nooks and crannies to huddle up and read a book! A place with great fireplaces and great wrap around porches! We discovered another home with exactly this, already done up and ready to move in! I am crossing my fingers that this home will still be on the market when our time here is up.... though I'm doubtful!

Crossing my fingers now....!

Day 1

2009-11-06T12:00:00.002-05:00

So the past however many days I've been getting up at 8am to hit the gym. On Wednesday I was supposed to go to class but I went to the wrong facility so I just did cardio instead because showing up late to a class is just not my thing! Especially when warming up is so so so important!

That means today was the first day I got to do an actual class. It's called Group Power which is a mixture of cardio and strength training. It totally kicked my ass today. It just showed me how out of shape I really am. I didn't give up, when I didn't feel like fainting I tried to do SOMETHING similar to the fancy moves they were doing. (PS. Eat a freaking banana before you work out, fainting is for wussies!) We went running across the gym, jumping jacks, squats, lunges, BACKWARD lunges, kickboxing, weight lifting, freaking planks, EVERYTHING. And in all actuality I loved it. Call me silly but that out of breath omg please make it stop I'm going to die feeling is AWESOME!

Let me tell you how in shape our instructor is. If you know what a plank is you know how shitty it is to do one. I used to do them a lot with my personal trainer over a year ago and it gets easier but I couldn't imagine doing what she did. So, on the left is a regular side plank, hard enough on its own, on the right is what she did because she is power woman!

It was impressive stuff and where I want to be at ideally 12 months down the road. Can this overweight, out of breath, out of shape girl turn into that by next November? Yes!

Sup Gs?

2009-11-05T13:05:00.002-05:00

So I have a confession. I'm fat. haha I probably weigh the most I ever have in my entire life! It's that bad.

So I'm making a change. The past two days I've been waking up at 8am to hit the gym before working at 11am. So far it's been well spent and don't they say the first week is always the hardest? I don't mind the exercise part at all, it's the waking up at the butt crack of dawn that always gets me! The first night I went to bed at 2am so that was rough, then last night I was dead to the world at 10pm. I woke up tired but ready for the day after TEN hours of heavy sleep, it was amazing!

Another confession... my life goes to crap when I don't exercise. I think it's the structure it creates around my day but without the need to get up and get sweaty I become lazy. I sleep horribly, I eat horribly, I lack motivation to do anything because I'm just tired all the time. When I work out regularly, and in the mornings, I get a lot more accomplished. I get chores done BEFORE getting to work so my evenings can be about what they're supposed to be about; relaxing!

I begin to feel better about myself. My energy level sky rockets as does my stamina. I make better eating choices because really who wants to eat bad after they just spent all that time working out? I even sleep better! Life just magically clicks into place.

I think my problem is that sometimes I view it as work and it's so much easier just to not work and it's those times I need a swift reminder that life is BETTER when I hit the gym. I always want to live an active life as there are things I do not want to miss out on because of my weight or inactivity. I want to travel, have adventures, get outside, keep up with The Lover, keep up with pets/children! I want to look as good on the outside as I do on the outside!

My life needs to revolve around the gym, not in an obsessive freak way but in a way that highlights the vitality of my spirit and the yearning to be better, always better.

And the journey for betterment continues.

Progressive Dinners

2009-10-30T16:53:00.002-04:00

I've never heard of such a thing until last month. It seems like a yuppie thing, is it?

Anyway, we had about 8 different lofts we went around to eating appetizers and drinking alcohol along the way. It was a good way to meet the neighbors so to speak. There are some really kick ass lofts around here. I drank margaritas, pineapple schnapps mixed drink, Cabernet, more margaritas, strawberry and rum, SHOTS of blueberry schnapps. In two hours. Needless to say I was toasted to a golden brown. It was fun but so much work to prepare for. But in the end we played Guitar Hero and that made up for it.

I've been thinking a lot about my photography. A little over a year ago I was given my first real dslr. The minute I had that in my hand I knew that was it. My path made only for me. However, I had a long way to go. Lots to learn about the gear itself, techniques, and creating my own style. Then I jumped into taking pictures for people and until you really photograph people you don't know how scary something like that can be! It's on you to make them look amazing! There's been a lot of pressure on me to build myself up to the level I want to be at and I'd say I'm still not right there but when I look back at where I started and where I now stand, the difference is amazing. After a photo shoot I am constantly saying "This is my best work yet!" and that is a good feeling because I would have never peeped those words out before.

Now I'm focusing on things like making my style totally mine, a way to define my photographs so that when someone sees a picture of mine they can immediately put a name to it without a signature. It's slowly getting there. I'm also working on branding, I guess they go hand in hand but I'm talking my logo, motto, experience, etc. Luckily, I have a great network of photography friends who have great advice to help me along the way. That and I am best friends with Google. Regardless, I am so excited to see what this metamorphoses into.

The Tide Is Changing

2009-10-28T14:46:00.003-04:00

I've not been getting much sleep as of late. When I lay down at a reasonable hour I find myself tossing and turning with thought til about 4 or 5am when I finally pass out from exhaustion. This is not so good for a ten hour a night girl. No kidding!

It's just, we have this hefty decision to make and though it's not what we were hoping for, it's for the best. I'm excited for the opportunity this will open later down the road but I'm also apprehensive. This means I have to go out and find something so hard to do right now, this also means notifying all those involved, a task that will not be easy by any means.

But The Lover and I have had long talks about it and I've spent many sleepless nights thinking about it. This is not a decision we came to lightly. I do believe this is the best and wisest one. I just hope all the pieces fall together just right and as my gut will tell me, it usually does, just right when you need it.

On to other things! Headshots today for the play Scrooge. I've already had two and they're already edited and ready to be shipped off! I have three more actually scheduled but I have a feeling this will get tossed up a bit.

My hair looks fabulous today! I need to find something that will hold the curl in a little longer. I've been leaving the curlers in 20 minutes and when I first take them out I look like Shirley freaking Temple but as the day progresses it falls more naturally. It almost seems like the curls leaves altogether!

The Lover's mother is in town and they are off on a photo trek because fall just isn't the same in Knoxville, or any further south than here. The colors are so seriously vibrant.

I am bummed about not being able to go to NC this weekend for a Halloween party with some old friends. Instead I have to market myself while The Lover goes to Knoxville to see family. I so hate these weekends!

We have a Progressive Dinner tomorrow with about 20 people. We are going loft hopping and nibbling on halloween themed appetizers and desserts. Tomorrow we have to get the desserts ready! Yikes!

Ok all for now kiddies.

Ah, Relief!

2009-10-22T16:02:00.003-04:00

My workload is FREE! I just finished that ginormous 1600 editing picture project and now I'm free til Sunday! Woohoo! I wasn't really sure I would make this deadline and here is why;

1. 1600 pictures to go through and edit. 1600 pictures to individually run through, organize, fix up, and prettyize.

2. My birthday happened to fall last weekend and I accidentally celebrated for five straight days. Five straight days of not even thinking about the mass load of editing I had to do.

3. My birthday freedom started last Friday. My friend was coming into town so we cleaned up the place in the a.m. Afterward we drank. We went to this awesome pizza place and ordered too many double shot rum and cokes. We ate pizza.

We woke up at 10a.m. the next day, my actual birthday. We ate amazing iHop to recover and shopped for hair stuffs. We highlighted my hair with pink and she taught me how to curl my hair with curlers (I suck at being a girl). I painted my nails (now all chipped) and we drank while eating Taco Bell. Everyone passed out mid SNL.

Sunday we slept in then went SHOPPING. Something I haven't done in ages. Actual clothes shopping with an awesome chick and not the bf who would rather wait in the car! ha! even yet I didn't buy anything, oh but I have a list!

4. Monday it was just me and The Lover. He reserved a place in Gatlinburg so we left for a one night stay. We never stay just one night! We wandered around town, ate some Italian, bought a few items, and swam in the hotel's indoor pool. The next day we wandered around taking amazing pictures of the mountains in the fall. It was so gorgeous but it left us stuck in the woods and it was getting dark.

We stopped at Hot Springs, NC to check them out. Upon finding out it was THIRTY FREAKING DOLLARS for ONE hour in the hot tub supposedly filled with the water from the hot tub and FIFTY DOLLARS for this tiny cabin in the woods that didn't even have a toilet, I repeat, NO TOILET we were ready to just trek home. That is until we checked out this hotel in the "downtown" region. It turned out to be amazing! We got this old timey room WITH a bath room that included a jacuzzi! Seriously, this place was amazing and I'll post pictures soon! It also had a restaurant right below where we grabbed amazing dinner. It was well worth it!

We left Wednesday morning though I kept calling it Sunday, haah whoops. I actually opened up shop for a few hours and got some much needed work done. Today, I finished that massive project and feel great! Here's to 25, may it not be freaky. haha bye

Awwwww

2009-10-06T20:44:00.002-04:00

Shenanigans

2009-10-03T22:24:00.002-04:00

Last night The Lover and I decided to see Zombieland. I sort of love zombies. This is a new found love over the last few years. It comes with loving a man who loves horror films. I really don't like scary movies unless they have zombies in them because they're just so bad ass. I didn't know zombies weren't scary until I watched them with the last boyfriend who had a hankering for them.

Since this seemed like a past time that boys really liked and since I really like hanging out with the boy and doing what he enjoys I had to compromise. So zombies it is. Funny slow, moaning, stupid, hungry zombies. Shoot, I'll even take the freaky fast ones that can climb walls as long as they don't come from freaky messed up kids or ghosts or murderers.

Okay then. The Lover's brother likes zombies too, like I said it must be a guy thing, and had gone to a prescreening of Zombieland. He said it was the best zombie movie ever and funnier than Shaun of the Dead. I don't know if you've seen that movie but it's pretty funny, really funny! He set the bar.

So we went to see it with some friends except we went to a bar first and didn't leave until screening time so when we got there the only seats left were in the second row. It felt like an IMAX movie. Typically I'm not okay with sitting so close because I get dizzy really easily but it wasn't so bad this time. It was actually awesome.

As was the movie. Hilariously awesome amazement. The crowd clapped when the movie ended. I will go see that movie again before it leaves the theater for sure.

Afterward we all went to the local bar to hang for a minute. I freaked out because we had a wedding to shoot this afternoon so I left at midnight to get some sleep. The Lover stumbled in at 2:30am but I'm glad for it. He needs to get out and hang with the boys sometimes, you know?

So we shot a wedding today and it went so fabulously well. I love weddings. I love shooting weddings. I love editing photos for the first week, aha. It was great!

Now I'm sore and ready for bed! Tomorrow is a sleep in day! Whew!

Cool Photograph

2009-10-02T12:14:00.001-04:00

Except it's really an oil painting done by Alyssa Monks. Click her name for more! This is amazing work!

A Few Brain Zaps

2009-09-30T14:44:00.002-04:00

1. I want to write about fall, again, and how awesomely awesome this season is. I juat have so much more to say about it, to remind the world of how amazing this period is!

2. Tomorrow is the beginning of my birthday month. Next month I turn 25. That is a post in itself!

3. It is damn cold here. It feels like we skipped fall and went right to winter. Our neighbors just got back from Charleston where it was 90 degrees. My what a rude awakening for them. And what a rude awakening for us when we decide to move there and fall decides to never show up!

4. I'm so bored on the slow Wednesday. Freaky, I haven't had a day like this in a long time. I'll allow it as long as it doesn't stick around.

5. The cold weather makes me yearn for a warm caramel latte from the coffee shop down the street. Yum!

6. I need some new candles. The ones I've got in the studio are almost gone. They've only lasted a couple weeks! Yikes!

7. I have three more hours to endure. UGH! I hope either something sells or it gets so slow I can close up early so I can snuggle under a warm blanket!

8. I'm hungry but I'm here all alone. I might close up for some food!

My Cat, Toby

2009-09-29T12:36:00.001-04:00

Farmer's Market
Originally uploaded by Fuzzphotoz

I have a cat that lives in another state. This cat has picked me up when days were down. He adds humor to the everyday and gives the lovin' freely. He had to stay when I moved out of state. We were moving into an apartment and he is an outside kind of guy. If he stays inside too long he becomes quite mischievous. New to the area I didn't want to risk it though I made promises to come for him later.

Later still hasn't come and probably won't. I am in a new town in a loft downtown not conducive to happy cat living. That and The Lover is allergic to feline dander.

This past weekend we visited him as well as my mother, stepfather, and other friendly creatures. More surprisingly The Lover took this photograph of my cat which is now a favorite. In that quick snapshot The Lover has embodied the whole of my little kitty, Toby.

Remember, Remember

2009-09-28T19:27:00.003-04:00

Lady Gaga before she was insane

2009-09-28T00:41:00.001-04:00

My Family Misses Me

2009-09-27T18:30:00.002-04:00

I got a text the other day from my sister that read "Are you alive?"

I must say it feels so good to be so busy that I can't keep track of myself. I remember the days spent when this blog was started about a year ago. Long slow passing hours filled with lots of unknowns and questions. Endless days blurring into one entirely too long period of what the heck do we do now?? And waiting, oh the waiting. Waiting for anything! Just something to swing the tide back around. The awful, endless waiting.

Now I don't have to wait. It flies by so fast I barely blink. I'm left saying "Wait---!" before it's gone leaving just a glimpse of a memory to be deposited into the bank. Too much too fast.

I can handle the upswing. I welcome it with widespread arms. It can stick around as long as it likes!

But it makes me absent it some other things. Like regular text messages with the sister, daily entries on the blog, times to whine about boredom. Ha! I've noticed I've lost yet another reader. I sympathize for their lack of loyalty. But if I don't even know who I lost then I guess their commitment wasn't that important.

I've been regularly posting on my picture blog! That seems to be easier for me as I always have my phone on me and since I'm already clicking fake photos away in my mind I figured I should click them for real. Check it out if you get a chance, fun will be had.

I'll be around but who knows how often...

Ten Rules for Being Human

2009-09-27T18:02:00.001-04:00

by Cherie Carter-Scott

1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it’s yours to keep for the entire period.

2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, “life.”

3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The “failed” experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately “work.”

4. Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.

5. Learning lessons does not end. There’s no part of life that doesn’t contain its lessons. If you’re alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.

6. “There” is no better a place than “here.” When your “there” has become a “here”, you will simply obtain another “there” that will again look better than “here.”

7. Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.

8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

9. Your answers lie within you. The answers to life’s questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.

10. You will forget all this.

A New Thing

2009-09-21T00:01:00.003-04:00

So I know you guys already have a bunch of things you already follow but I'm going to add one more to that list. I was inspired by this lady and this lady who are both avid photographers like myself! Since sometimes the best way to express your day is without words I've decided to follow suit!

I tried to post pictures through my mobile phone to blogger but since it's an inferior Blackberry and not an iPhone it was not successful. However tumblr was! Good thing I don't give up easily!

So world I present you The Daily Me! A place consisting mainly of photos I take throughout the day with the phone that is always by my side. I hope you enjoy the journey through my viewfinder!

:)

2009-09-20T23:16:00.001-04:00

Hmmmmmmm

Hi Bloggyfiends!

2009-09-16T17:09:00.002-04:00

I have about 30 seconds to drop by and write a quick post! I won't forget about this place!

This week has been hectic. I don't know why it just now hit us that maybe we should do something epically awesome for this festival but it did and now we are running around with wedgies trying to get everything done! Someone down the street told us that this weekend brings them more business than even the holidays! HOLY

So I am hard at work getting this ordered, designing that, setting up this nook, facebooking new artists in shop, blahlahblah when THE POWER GOES OUT. And my internet is like "No, fuck you!" So I just went next door and gabbed for a bit. Love it!

Ok and then tonight we are running to the store to grab eighty million things and did I tell you we are selling Rc cola and moonpies? Well now we have a handy dandy mini fridge with glass door and freaking blue led lights. BLUE. LED. LIGHTS! Holy perfect yes indeed!

I am so busy I forget to eat until I wonder why I've just bitten off the head of The Lover and scared away the dog and realize oh it's because I'm ravenous. Staying up til 9:30 in the shop getting everything organized is no small feat for me! Comes with the territory!

And oh did we get some awesome things in from artists this week! There is still more to come but what we have gotten is so totally fantastic it makes me giggle with delight. Ok maybe not really but yes really. I just blew your mind.

Ok folks that is it for now. Probably for the weekend so I hope you all enjoy yourself and think of me getting trampled by 40,000 music hungry fans. I hope we knock her out of the park!

Sup G's?

2009-09-14T15:10:00.001-04:00

Waaaaaaaaait, it's been a while. ha!

So there is so much going on around me this week in this little town. We are having a huge festival this weekend that will bring in upwards to 40,000 people within a three block radius. The storefront is right smack dab in the middle of it all so I've been trying to coordinate everything. It is quite the whirlwind!

I think it will be ready. We're selling freaking MoonPies and RC Cola. That's right. We've reached that level of awesome. I have a feeling we will sell out. It's a southern thing. HA! (P.S. I've never had a MoonPie in my life. I plan on it this weekend!)

Anywhichaway. Anyone watch the VMA's last night? It's my guilty pleasure. Here's my recap; Go Janet Jackson, shut up Madonna (you scare me), douchebag Kanye, cute Taylor Swift, WTF Lady Gaga, Beyonce I have always loved you, thanks for not letting me down, sweet show Pink, OMG NEW MOON DROOLING COMMENCE, again WTF Lady Gaga, Beyonce, girl, you can dance! Serena Williams is a class act, Alicia Keys your hair is pretty, Seriously Lady Gaga WTF, Taylor Lautner looked pretty damn fine, Russell Brand I don't want to hear about your penis anymore, what did Jay-Z just say?

AAAAAAAAaaand scene!

The three of us, The Lover, Caesar, and I all went to the park on Sunday to enjoy the end of summer. It was fantastic and my dog completely surprised me again. They have this little creek with picnic tables all around and grills fired up for dinner so we decided to sit by it. The water is no deeper than one's ankle. Caesar LOVED the water. He went jumping in time after time chasing after crapples! It was hilarious! It was great!

Bring Them Home NOW

2009-09-11T23:50:00.002-04:00

GONE TOO SOON Spc. Jeffrey Hodge mourned four soldiers from his unit — Capt. John Hallett, Capt. Cory Jenkins, Sgt. First Class Ronald Sawyer and Spc. Dennis Williams — after their memorial service at Fort Lewis, Wash., Wednesday. An improvised explosive device killed the men in Afghanistan on Aug. 25. (Photo: Janet Jensen/The News Tribune via the AP / Wall St. Journal)

Well How Do You??

2009-09-08T15:05:00.001-04:00

The Feel

2009-09-07T13:59:00.001-04:00

This will have to do for now but oh look forward to the actual post to come later!

Take A Minute To Help

2009-09-05T12:54:00.002-04:00

Two For One!

2009-09-04T20:22:00.003-04:00

Two posts in one day? My what has happened to me??

I'm alone on a Friday night, that's what happened to me. The Lover is back home celebrating his mother's birthday and it just didn't work out for me to go with him. I tend to not go home with him whenever he does for several reasons.

So this weekend it's just me and you! Plus maybe the dog. Which I just bathed at 8 o'clock on a Friday night because my life is just that exciting. I can hear the old time music outside my windows of the classic car show that gathers every Friday evening. It's a reminder that oh I haven't gone to shoot any of them next to their cars in a loooooooooong time. Meh, if I went it'd most likely be like the other times with everyone ignoring me as I take amazing pictures of their cars. Oh well.

I'm sipping on a tall glass of skim milk because I never drink alone. Hell I hardly drink when with others! If I do drink I usually get toasted to the point where the walls jump in the way of my path. It's probably funny to others but not so much to me, especially the next morning.

I'm also in my pajamas. Curled up in my recliner in front of a tv that rests while The Lover is away. If I get really desperate I may turn it on to drown out the background but usually it's just silence in these walls. I've tried to follow tv shows and I always find that life intrudes the regular scheduled episodes and end up missing too many to care. Of course there's that new fangled dvr that we did indeed own at one time but that can be synonymous to a ball and chain. We started dvring so many shows that we were always playing catch up and always watching the tube. Nah, no thanks.

I wouldn't even have cable if I didn't think it was a good way to find out what was happening locally right now. I remember wanting to watch the weather channel when we first moved because all the local news station websites sucked donkey butt.

I think this means I'm old. I'm surprisingly okay with that.

Caught In The In Between

2009-09-04T11:51:00.003-04:00

I swear I do this every year but I just don't know how to stop! In January the air is so bitter and cold it forces one to completely get OVER the season and beg for Spring to come to warm those bones.

Now that we live at a higher elevation and longitude temperatures are significantly lower on average. Talk about snow in APRIL! Ugh! Wanting so badly just to spread my wings and escape from hibernation I scream for the snow and cold to leave! Then the first buds of the season pop up and my love affair with all things spring and summer is renewed.

It went so fast this year, as it usually does. Learning a new area makes the days pass faster and now that we're feeling settled somewhat the weather is changing again. In those summer months where I am fully aware of the time limitation I wish for never ending sunny days, warm temperatures, and fantastic red fire nights. Summer needs to be ever longer so I may fit in that extra trip to the beach, that last chance to eat on a fantastic outside porch with live music and a fantastically summer palate. One more day and month to hit the pool and turn golden brown. One more chance to soak up all the joy that comes with summer. I beg for the turtle's pace.

Then within the blink of an eye the seasons change. I can recall almost to the hour when summer waved goodbye and the beginnings of fall made it's entry. The leaves have started to mimic the sun in their fantastic hues and the bugs are all out in the cool quiet air to catch that last drop of life before the cold decides to stick around for a while.

There is a quiet energy in the air as the expectation for the upcoming holidays grows. The family get togethers, the planning, the decorating. The food! Some especially good photo opportunities! That is when in my heart the forgiveness comes. Summer may leave and I'll forgive it. Fall may come and I'll welcome it. A gentle hand pushing us into the cold depths of winter. So for now, I'll enjoy it and let the festive nature take hold but when winter comes oh, I will complain, I will complain bitterly. The begging will return until I can feel my fingers again.

These Words Ring So True!

2009-09-03T11:12:00.003-04:00

I, too, thought one day I would have always fantastic and flowing hair like these lucky ladies. Why can't I have one solid mass that moves in just the right way everytime I move or touch it?? HMPH

Conan Makes Me Laugh!

2009-09-02T21:31:00.000-04:00

Ha!

Well, That's One Way To Say It

2009-09-02T16:42:00.001-04:00

Takes Me Back

2009-09-02T13:37:00.002-04:00

So I sit here in a quiet studio because I haven't hooked up the stereo system yet and I listen to the record store just two shops down from here. They play music on the sidewalk everyday, I think that's awesome. Sometimes they play really freaky shit, sometimes they play awesome shit.

Today they are playing some music that brings me back. Waaaaaaaaaay back. Back to the days where I sat in the back seat of the white grand am with my rainbow sweater. Back to the days where I was so little that I couldn't see over the car side and out the window so my world consisted of the cars insides, that navy blue cloth interior. And even back to the days where my dad played his music loud and we all sang along. "Girl, I will be your preacher, teacher"

It takes me back to the days where the winters were cold and harsh, filled with lots of snow. Even further to shopping at the mall and Christmas lights on the lake. To canceled school days due to temperature and NOT the amount of actual snow. To the neighbor's pool and how I learned to swim by being dragged to the bottom and being forced to either accept it or panic and die. (haha) "Til the end of time" BURNOWWWWW BURNOW BURNOOOOOOWWWW

I remember those days! "Don't let the sun go down on me!"

Awwwww

2009-09-02T12:07:00.000-04:00

My Delimma

2009-08-27T19:18:00.002-04:00

This place we live now is very different from anything I ever dreamed of. Being a yankee (sorry folks) I always had this negative opinion of the southern culture. Having lived here in the South for 6 years now has changed that opinion. Mostly.

I can accept the Southern ways. How time seems to trickle to a stop, how deals are done on someone's word and a good handshake. How manners mean most and friendliness is key. Also, how charming a good southern drawl from a great southern gentleman can be. I can understand and accept with open arms these cultural differences I misunderstood in my younger days. They are traits I would trade down to my children should I ever decide to have any.

Now that I've said that I must make clear that I have some lines embedded too deep in my veins to change. Some items ticked away that I'll not ever be able to accept as a part of my lifestyle. One, the hugely accepted embrace of the redneck lifestyle. Indeed ignorance can be bliss but when it affects your standard of living things need to change for the better. I'm talking trailer living, mud skipping, beer drinking, shotgun having, three teeth owning, ten children having rednecks. The I don't need no educayshun and by golly my way is the best or I'll shoot you off my lawn type of living. I mean this as no offense and realize this is a minority (not in this town) but it's a line I refuse to cross. Education is important to better ones self and hygiene should be a priority, as well as birth control.

Next is the music. I have tried, oh have I tried to accept the twang and the sweet bitter words weaving through my eardrums like razorblades but I just can't. For one, I can barely understand a really thick accent when speaking so when you add vibrato and notes I will never understand what you are trying to say without a translator. I dig lyrics so this is a big problem. Two, it twangs. All the fancy stringed instruments and harmonicas blend into one very unique sound. One I can't wrap my heart around. If it makes any sense I am a huge fan of tropical music which sounds totally different from country, indie, bluegrass, etc.

Third, music is a big thing here. This city prides itself in being the "birthplace of country music". They have concerts twice a week regularly with festivals mixed in several times a month. That is a lot of music that I just don't dig. My quota for tolerating banjos has been filled tenfold since we moved here. Problem is my neighbor is big into this kind of music. He gets huffy when he realizes someone doesn't quite appreciate these soul touching sounds the way he does. I have even been chastised for not showing up at a concert because I decided to go to the gym instead!

He invited us to a house concert tonight for a guy who sings songs with lyrics like "I'm a gun and I'm loaded and I'm going to kill you tonight."(I'm serious.) This is the same person that is going to preform at the festival tomorrow night in which I will be attending! I opted out. I blamed not feeling well because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. How do you tell someone so passionate about something that you'd rather chew on rocks than bare through it? You don't. Well I don't anyways.

So while I appreciate the importance music has on this town and the immense support this city has given to local unknown artists I will not look back when I move to the coastal city filled with steel drum bands and beats set on island time. No way. Until then maybe I can purchase some industrial ear plugs.

What To Say

2009-08-27T11:26:00.002-04:00

Wow, what a weekend!

You know, before this previous weekend without even hitting realization I was beginning to settle. It seemed like my dream city was going to fade away in the distance. We have so many responsibilities here and really, it is just so hard to prepare for a move two years down the road.

So we started making friends. We started opening our hearts to this city we live now. We let the culture seep into our blood and started calling this place home. I was beginning to convince myself that it wouldn't be so bad if we lived here more than two years, we could somehow manage.

Then we had this trip this weekend and every drop of resistance broke away like millions of shards of glass exploding from within. The Lover and I sat in the car convincing ourselves to stay just one more night and we realized we never wanted to leave. It was so easy to pick up my camera and capture anything I could, the hunger returned. We chased sunsets just to get some amazing shots. I kept calling it home in my giddiness.

Even The Lover was excited to one day live here. For a while I was concerned that he had lost the dream to settle on this coastal town, this weekend totally rid me of those fears.

It was great to be back in a place so inspiring and beautiful. It was WONDERFUL to be by the sea, where I so deeply belong. The urge to live on the coast pulls me like the tides on water. I feel like a salmon returning home after my journey to search for a suitor, aha. I WILL live there whether it takes me two years or longer. I WILL spend the rest of my days digging my toes in the so very familiar sand and I WILL be there with him.

Heeheee

2009-08-26T15:21:00.002-04:00

Ah, yes

2009-08-25T20:26:00.001-04:00

My Sister's Favorite Movie Growing Up

2009-08-25T15:13:00.002-04:00

She used to say "Hatuna Matatatatatataaaaaaa" It was so cute in her little voice!

It is only fitting that this is dedicated to her!

The Glove Doesn't Fit

2009-08-20T13:54:00.002-04:00

Wow. Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooow....

This place is awesome, you know? I really like it but the bubble is very, VERY tiny. Well folks there is a big event that's bringing EVERYONE from the dark corners of the city into broad daylight. I must say, I never knew The Tazmanian Devil had such a following to older generations!

Wifebeaters, three teeth, socks WITH crocs, super awesome color reflective sunglasses, fanny packs, Event GEAR out the you know what. These are all pre-requisites for stepping outside today. I'm a little frightened right now.

Thank God we are headed to the beach this weekend and avoiding all of this nonsense. Whoa.

Oh, You

2009-08-19T22:57:00.002-04:00

I am so neglectful. I sincerely apologize. I go to bed and think up lovely posts only to become far too busy to actually write it out, does that still count?

This week has brought a fun photoshoot, some cancellations (don't worry, they rescheduled) and lots of time editing photos. We've had a really bad storm that brought water into our lofts lobby freaking our landlord out of his gourd. I booked a wedding up in NY at my old stomping grounds for a really good friend (very excited!). We watched as traffic got heavier and heavier due to a recent big event happening soon.

We made new friends while enjoying a jam session for the blues at the local pub. We discussed closing up shop and moving to the loft to use the overhead money for equipment while renting a wall at this new emporium down the street for 1/6th the cost! I have spent every day at the gym trying to get back into shape while eating healthy (God it feels so good). We have idly watched a hurricane almost maybe ruin our plans to go to the beach. It looks like it won't hit the coast but will cause some serious waves. After my last stint with the ocean I'm ok with just enjoying it from the ankles down.

We have sat inside a bar to wonder if a celebrity is sitting inside the bus with his name written across it. Through some blackberry googling we found that sometimes he is and sometimes he isn't. If he did come into the bar it would have been my first big celebrity encounter EVER. We tried Breyer's mint chocolate chip yogurt treat only to spit it right back out. We have made it halfway through this week.

Tomorrow I am going to be on live tv promoting my business and I'm a little freaked out. What if I freeze up and suck? Wish me luck! After that I meet with a lady to discuss weddings and then a huge event downtown happens that I'm not prepared for, I doubt I get any business from it! After tomorrow we pack up for the beach! The Lover and I are having one last hurrah on the coast before winter begins to set in. It is right on the beach with some awesome stuff in walking distance, plus my favorite city in the world within driving distance! Yay! We are meeting some good friends so we expect some great times!

Thanks for listening again, so sorry I ignore you so often dear blog.

My Point Exactly

2009-08-19T22:56:00.002-04:00

Too Funny

2009-08-13T16:20:00.001-04:00

Fatigue

2009-08-13T12:18:00.002-04:00

I don't know what it is but I'd like it to stop, NOW! My energy level is down in the dumps and has been for about a week now. Just sitting here at my desk has me yawning away. I can barely focus on anything because all I want to do is sleep, anything else is just too much effort.

I've even gone to the gym to try and kickstart my metabolism, giving me more energy but that's not working. I have been staying up later than normal but then my body forces me to stay in bed. Seriously, I've opened up shop about an hour later than usual because I'm just SO tired.

Here are some things I do know. I just got my hateful little friend and it seems more angry than ever. Talk about cramps! They're horrible this time round. I know there is a high possibility that the fatigue is coming from this as they both seem to line up.

Secondly, I just started back on eating right and that means eating LESS right now. Granted I NEVER needed as many calories as I was taking in previously but maybe the sharp dip has caused some sort of problem. Right now I just eat when I am hungry, usually just snacking on fruits and veggies. Ok and maybe a slice of cookie cake here and there.

I can't think of any other explanation. I feel like there is a heavy fuzzy cloud sitting on top of my head that is not allowing me to concentrate. I am not depressed (sometimes all I do is sleep when I am sad), I am actually very happy and excited for things right now. I'm not sick though my allergies have been in full force this week, wait a tick! The Lover bought some Claritin that was NOT nondrowsy and then didn't use it. I wonder if I am taking that stuff?? I better check when I go up for lunch.

All I know right now is that I absolutely hate it. I don't like waking up late. I don't like walking around in a haze. I don't like feeling as if I could fall asleep at any second no matter where I am! Maybe I should stop watching that parasite show on Discovery that talks about all the nasty bugs you can get in your body and just how badly they can ruin you. Yikes.

Signs We're Getting Older

2009-08-12T12:13:00.002-04:00

I am the oldest of my two siblings. Often times it felt like I couldn't quite share in my new revelations because they just weren't there yet. I am five years older than my brother and nine years older than my sister. I whacked the jungle clear for them although often times I would trip on some big branches that would turn into huge hurdles for them later on, whoops! ha

Anyway growing up we would take a family vacation to the beach every summer without fail. Us three kids would go running into the water and swim out as far as we dared. Giggling at the waves, swimming through the beat downs, getting caught on our toes by crabs, and generally not giving a crap what happened as long as we were swimming. We spent 90% of the time in the water begging our parents to come join us.

Then we got older and I moved out. Then my brother started college and it just seemed a lot harder to get us all at the beach at the same time. Roughly six entire years later, just a few weekends ago, we managed to hit the beach at the same time. The Lover and I made a last minute decision to go and my brother drove down for an 8 hour trip to stay just two days.

I am glad we did. My sister, brother, and I went out just beyond were the waves broke and felt a little bit of deja vu. It felt like old times but we were bigger, smarter, and some of us (certainly not me!) more mature. We talked about how awesome it felt to be in the same ocean at the same time again. Remembering all the fun we had and how seemingly fearless we were. Then we mentioned how the ocean had become a scarier entity through age. Shark Week, jellyfish, education, and happenings to friend's of friends had made us all a little more weary of the water.

We actually knew that a shark was most likely swimming near us whereas when we were little we thought they stayed far away from the shore. We were finally weary of the jellyfish and the crabs. Rip currents and undertoes. We were spending more time on the beach than in the water. We three hit that realization and that's when I knew we had all actually grown up.

So goodbye lack of self awareness, goodbye flips into piles of snow without caring how we landed, goodbye dangerous ramps made halfhazardly, and hello fear, that instinct for survival.

Or maybe not. As both my sister and I got stung by jellyfish that very same trip for the very first time and while discussing it we both managed to say "Eh, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be." Maybe nothing can keep us out of the ocean permanently. Maybe that's a damn good thing.

Long Birthdays

2009-08-11T11:59:00.002-04:00

It sort of feels like The Lover and I will find any excuse to celebrate. I don't really blame us because after last year we deserve every drop of joy that happens to come our way. So we take it and make a big deal of it.

Today is The Lover's birthday but I think we've been celebrating all month long. Not ONE but TWO chances to hit the beach this month? It's your birthday, why not?? Wings and drinks on a Monday night? Why not? It's your birthday week!

I'm perfectly okay with it. I think it's fantastic that we can celebrate because this time last year we were totally down in the dumps. Not a dime to our name, not even a dinner celebration. Just thinking about it gets my heart heavy. Thank God we have made it through!

A very happy birthday to you, Lover. What a fantastic journey it's been.

What is Up world?

2009-08-10T15:04:00.003-04:00

I just had a photoshoot canceled and rescheduled for the billionth time. I'm sort of okay with it because I'm tired! It just means Friday is going to be a busy day!

I need to find ways to get my name out there. I think I've been doing a pretty good job but my calendar is pretty much empty for next month! Although, August was pretty empty too until right at the end of July. STAY POSITIVE!

We are trying to find a way to get me a better camera and some new stuff in the studio. I've been wanting to sell some of my framed Fine Art prints but just haven't had the start up money to do that. It's coming along but it needs to hurry! One thing on the to do list is to change my window!

Maybe I will do that tonight since the evening is suddenly free! Too bad too because my flash came in ESPECIALLY for that purpose. I ordered it online and even paid for overnight shipping, then we went out shopping this weekend and realized it was tax free weekend! Meaning I could have gotten the darn thing for twenty dollars cheaper! Don't I feel like a fool!

Ah well. It's Monday.

Cool

2009-08-08T20:36:00.001-04:00

What makes this is the landing....

Why Our Current Health Care Works

2009-08-07T15:53:00.002-04:00

A very good read, go on read it, it's not what you expect.

What’s Not to Like?

Reform? Why do we need health-care reform? Everything is just fine the way it is.

Jul 31, 2009

Go ahead, shoot me. I like the status quo on health care in the United States. I've got health insurance and I don't give a damn about the 47 million suckers who don't. Obama and Congress must be stopped. No bill! I'm better off the way things are.

I'm with that woman who wrote the president complaining about "socialized medicine" and added: "Now keep your hands off my Medicare." That's the spirit!

Why should I be entitled to the same insurance that members of Congress get? Blue Dogs need a lot of medical attention to treat their blueness. I'm just a regular guy and definitely deserve less.

I had cancer a few years ago. I like the fact that if I lose my job, I won't be able to get any insurance because of my illness. It reminds me of my homeowners' insurance, which gets canceled after a break-in. I like the choice I'd face if, God forbid, the cancer recurs—sell my house to pay for the hundreds of thousands of dollars in treatment, or die. That's what you call a "post-existing condition."

I like the absence of catastrophic insurance today. It meant that my health-insurance plan (one of the better ones, by the way) only covered about 75 percent of the cost of my cutting-edge treatment. That's as it should be—face cancer and shell out huge amounts of money at the same time. Nice.

I like the "lifetime limits" that many policies have today. Missed the fine print on that one, did you? It means that after you exceed a certain amount of reimbursement, you don't get anything more from the insurance company. That's fair.

Speaking of fair, it seems fair to me that cost-cutting bureaucrats at the insurance companies—not doctors—decide what's reimbursable. After all, the insurance companies know best.

Yes, the insurance company status quo rocks. I learned recently about something called the "loading fees" of insurance companies. That's how much of every health-care dollar gets spent by insurance companies on things other than the medical care—paperwork, marketing, profits, etc. According to a University of Minnesota study, up to 47 percent of all the money going into the health-insurance system is consumed in "loading fees." Even good insurance companies spend close to 30 percent on nonmedical stuff. Sweet.

The good news is that the $8,000 a year per family that Americans pay for their employer-based health insurance is heading up! According to the Council of Economic Advisers, it will hit $25,000 per family by 2025. The sourpusses who want health-care reform say that's "unsustainable." Au contraire.

And how could the supporters of these reform bills believe in anything as stupid as a "public option"? Do they really believe that the health-insurance cartel deserves a little competition to keep them honest? Back in the day, they had a word for competition. A bad word. They called it capitalism. FedEx versus the U.S. Postal Service, CNN versus PBS—just because it's government-backed doesn't mean you can't compete against it. If they believed in capitalism, the insurance companies would join the fray and compete.

I'm glad they don't. I prefer the status quo, where the for-profit insurance companies suck at the teat of the federal government. Corporate welfare's what we've got, and it's a damn good system. Through a wonderful program called Medicare Advantage, the insurance companies receive hundreds of billions of dollars in fees to administer a program that the government is already running. Don't touch that baby. You'd be messing with the handiwork of some fine lobbyists.
You know what part of the status quo I like best? It's a longstanding system for paying doctors called "fee for service." That's where doctors get paid for each procedure they perform, as if my auto dealer got paid separately for the steering wheel, brakes, and horn instead of for the car. Fee-for-service is why the medical care at that doc-in-a-box at my mall is so superior to the Mayo Clinic or Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center, where the doctors are on salary. Who would want to mess with that?

OK, if you really press me, I'm for one change. It's the one that Republicans trot out to prove they're "reformers," too. We could save our whole system if we just capped malpractice awards. Two of our biggest states—California and Texas—did it a few years ago and nothing has changed there, but who cares? It sounds good.

So tell your congressmen and senators when they're home for the summer recess that it's too soon to address this issue. We've only been debating it for 97 years, since Theodore Roosevelt put national health insurance in the Bull Moose Party platform of 1912. We've only had 745 congressional hearings on the subject (I made that number up, but it's got to be close). That's not enough! Let's study this problem more before we do anything about it.
Did I say "problem"? Who said there was a problem? Not me. I like the status quo.

For article click here

Bark in the Park

2009-08-07T12:17:00.002-04:00

Last night I set up a table to advertise my professional services at this Bark in the Park event. Being a small town I didn't know what to think as far as attendance went. I was happily surprised at the large number that did show! I gave away almost all of my coupons, talk about a win!

Anyway, it was really neat to see so many dogs in one place. From the itty bitty to the big monsters! Animal lovers love irony too! There was a 1 pound chihuahua named Tank and a 135 pound Great Dane named Muffin. Muffin came over to lean on me for a few minutes while I rubbed her side. She came up to my hip! A gorgeous black and white dane.

They had contests and we decided to enter in my dog, Caesar. I work with him a lot as far as training goes. I've spent a lot of time getting general commands down pat so he listens to me anywhere no matter how bad the distraction so just recently we've been working on cool tricks. He does a high five which forces him to jump and slap the palm of my hand, superman flying, and we are working on spin and speak.

I entered him in the Best Trick category and went for the good High Five since we've been doing that for at least a year now. He wowed the crowd! I thought we had it for first place until the last dog, a golden retriever, let her owner set a treat on her nose and stayed until the Owner said "Get it". The golden won but Caesar got 2nd place! Cool! I also got a picture of him doing the trick on stage!

We also tried the sit and speak. I practiced with him beforehand and he only did it about fifty percent of the time. It's still new and I think it will take a little more time to get it down. Mine is a little different though because the speak is followed after I say "Don't you backtalk me, now go on!" and he barks like a freak. We got our turn on stage and he didn't do it! I took him to the back of the stage and he did it three times! Decided to try one more time in front of the audience and he didn't do it! Silly boy.

All in all a great success! Seeing that many dogs at the park last night made The Lover and I realize just how untapped the pet market is here and how successful a well run facility could be. Time to get those gears a grindin'!

I'm Tan

2009-08-06T12:46:00.002-04:00

It's been a while. The Lover and I are known for impromptu road trips with barely an hours notice. This weekend was one of them. We had an open invitation to visit with my extended family who I haven't seen in AT LEAST six years. It was long overdue and I really wanted to go but we didn't think it could happen. That is until 2pm Thursday afternoon when we both sort of looked at each other and said " Well....maybe if we.....then we could...."

By 5:30pm we were on the road headed to DC. The Lover has never been to DC before so it was quite nice to show him around. It's all still the same except for the World War II memorial. Even the awesomeness of being so close to our ever evolving government felt good.

After spending the day in DC we headed to Rehoboth, DE with the family. The only room left in this four bedroom rental were couches and floor space. Still it was great to have that much family in one place, even if we disagreed, ha! We got to see the beach where my sister and I both got stung by jellyfish, though she got it worse. We got to take pictures of the boardwalk, eat fresh seafood, catch up on some extensive lost time, play fun games (catchphrase to be exact), and just have a good time.

Typical to The Lover and I we rearranged the schedule so we could stay and extra day. I was so glad we did. It felt great to be welcomed with open arms, hard hugs, and sincere "Holy, I've missed you"'s.

We are being spoiled this month as we try to plan another beach trip August 22nd with my friend and her SO. Should be a lot of fun because I haven't seen her since last year!

Note to self: get a new bathing suit!!

Politics

2009-07-30T12:04:00.002-04:00

In this city where I live my opinions on politics have to stay hidden. If you have the wrong opinion (which I do) they will boycott your business. If anyone knows me then they know just how hard it is to bite my tongue, but I digress. I will let the image below speak for me;

The Week So Far In Review

2009-07-29T10:43:00.002-04:00

It's already Wednesday! Feels like it should be Monday for some wild reason. Last weekend I spent it alone as The Lover had traveled back home. I'm kind of used to it now though it doesn't suck any less because of it. I just have a super hard time falling asleep without him. I can try to convince myself of all the positives, like taking the whole bed, using lots more pillows to make my fort, no noise, but instead I toss and turn and wish he was home. I am so lame.

Saturday was uneventful, I slept in pretty late and then tried to convince myself to clean the place up. It was hard because I wanted no part of it! So I would clean something for 30 to 45 minutes then sit down for 20 minutes. Ha, lazy cleaning at it's finest!

Sunday I felt like poo because I didn't get much sleep. I tried cleaning the rest of the place before a few photo shoots happened. The last photo shoot I did was a lot of fun. I stuck this awesome lady in a thick hill of wildflowers and it actually came up with some awesome results! Then later on The Lover came home and life was merry.

Monday was a drag. I don't even remember much of it except for a crazy photoshoot at 5. I didn't know if I could stay awake until then but somehow managed. I had 4 people come in at once for a shoot. It was fun because they were from the theater so we had a good time.

Tuesday, yesterday? The Lover and I went to a business class that was pretty good for networking and learning about some resources available to us. How boring did that just sound? haha Oh well.

Today Obama is coming to town. It's funny because we are a small town so I'd never expect to see a president hit this area but he is. It's the talk of the town from hatred, to confusion, to curiosity, to excitement. Crowds are gathering already and he isn't due until later. Too bad I'm stuck here, not like I'd get to see him. HA!

So that's the week in review. Boring? Yes, maybe but sometimes my life is boring.

My favorite photo from the shoot on Saturday;

Just Wow

2009-07-24T20:08:00.001-04:00

Being a woman I know exactly what it's like to want to look thinner. I know! I just think there are good ways to go about it and bad.

This is one of the bad.

Hmmmm...

2009-07-24T11:51:00.000-04:00

This gives me an idea....

Dig It

2009-07-23T15:57:00.002-04:00

I dig this chick. I've been following her blog for roughly six months now and loving it. Usually I stick to my handy Google Reader to get through the blog roll, especially since I usually have 100 posts to read a day. Not complaining since the information is always useful but I like making it efficient. When I notice that this awesome chikita has written something new I take the time to click and read straight from her blog. It might be the bolding, and italics made for certain emphasis that draws me but alas I follow like a dog waiting for a good pet. She rocks and you should check her out. Her latest post on SHINING has my ears ringing with joy. A conveniently nice reminder to live life for NOW for ME because it is beautiful.

Click it.

I Believe

2009-07-23T12:18:00.002-04:00

I believe in networking more now than ever before. Being in this downtown location I have the opportunity to meet all the important "big wigs" that keep this city rotating. I know someone who knows someone who knows the director of this someone, let me call them right now to get this set up.

Let me tell you how important networking is. I went from a new unknown to a helping hand in the community and I know it will trickle down to me. Now I have exclusive press passes to important events, I'm the go to gal for the community. Slowly but surely I'm getting there.

The calendar is starting to fill up. It may not be what some people were hoping for (The Lover ahem) but it's what I expected and am happy to meet. Let's keep the ball rolling please!

Interesting

2009-07-22T14:11:00.002-04:00

More Awesomeness

2009-07-21T12:54:00.001-04:00

I love pictures. I love space. Put the two together and you have pure awesome at it's finest.

Check this link to see 21 of the greatest space photos ever as decided by Life.

I like the stories that go with the photos. Awesome.

Aquarium Fun

2009-07-21T11:45:00.001-04:00

I've always loved the Aquariums at museums and such. They are an awesome way to see the world under the sea without the danger and the bulky air tank.

Kuroshio Sea - 2nd largest aquarium tank in the world (via soupsoup)

The main tank called the ‘Kuroshio Sea’ holds 7,500-cubic meters (1,981,290 gallons) of water and features the world’s second largest acrylic glass panel, measuring 8.2 meters by 22.5 meters with a thickness of 60 centimeters. Whale sharks and manta rays are kept amongst many other fish species in the main tank.

Self Promotion

2009-07-19T17:04:00.001-04:00

If you guys have Facebook you can join my fan page! How cool is that?

So I shamelessly plug, click it!

The Wordless Way

2009-07-17T15:50:00.003-04:00

After being a mute for a week I feel like I have nothing to say at all. Least not anything important. I realized how much breath I waste on meaningless topics and useless drivel. It sort of goes on and on until it's just a buzz in my head. Maybe I need to be looked at.

Maybe without the buzz the empty spaces in my mind lead to a scary hollow silence that fiercely echoes pin drop noises. With all that room filled with nothing how could I possibly think of something to say? Time to turn the buzz back on I suppose. Swirl the words into a big enough concoction to convince the world I am me and should be heard. Maybe I'm trying too hard.

I definitely feel that pull. The need to be the number one, the best, in your face lest you forget. I am here, I am loud, I won't go away until you appease me oh please be the answer I am looking for! Instead of the pull it turns to a push, a sort of nagging hush, my force to be reckoned with. Yet it's easily ignored and the ticking tock of the pressure builds behind my eyes to be something, to be number one.

What really needs to happen is a planting of seeds along a very fertile road leading to greatness and a shiny crown. No need to rush or for the pressure behind the scenes to push. In due time the curtains will blow back and the play will commence so no need to worry, or fret, or push the me, the who, the what I am. Human nature is not so forgiving.

Buzz, buzzing, buzzed.

I Never Knew

2009-07-17T13:54:00.002-04:00

I can't believe I didn't know these existed until just now but now that I do know, it's on like Donkey Kong.

Or maybe it's just on my To Do List. We're talking National Geographic Expeditions! They have all kinds but one that stuck out was the Photography one! Particularly the one that goes to the Galapagos! Wow. You travel with a NG photographer and go to all these exclusive places to see all the awesome creatures.

It sounds incredible and I'm pretty sure that's why the price tag is at $7,000 not including air fare per person. haha A girl can dream or just save up same moola, or win the lottery. Think of it this way though, it's actually pretty cheap compared to the African 23 day Expedition going at a mere $63,000!

Check them out here.

What A Difference A Week Makes

2009-07-16T14:55:00.002-04:00

Wow! This week has been nothing short of fantastic! Things are rolling really well for the business. I might get to be on tv plugging it too! How cool is that my friends?

I feel like Cloud Nine has returned. My goal is to remember these days when the gray clouds come rolling in. Because they will, that's life!

Pandora has been a life saver lately. I need the music to keep me moving throughout the day and having this handy dandy online free radio with maybe one commercial every 5 hours is great!

The Lover is still so darn sick. I think he got it worse than me. He tried to go to Walgreen's for some meds and they wouldn't accept his driver's license so he had to talk to the pharmacist. I mean he looks and sounds like crap, like a sick person not a meth head. The pharmacist may be a liar, I don't know yet, but they recommended Claritin D for his cold. I was like WHAT? My logic was for him to buy Dayquil since the NyQuil was working so well for him. I also thought it takes about 24 hours for Claritin to even get into your system. I guess I am wrong!

That's all for now. Hope everyone else is having a good week too!

Regina Spektor

2009-07-14T21:38:00.003-04:00

A newly discovered artist I am beginning to love!

A Few Randoms

2009-07-14T15:36:00.002-04:00

Just some scattered thoughts to mark the day.

-Kids are fidgety. You will only get two good shots of them before they squirm so you better be prepared.

-I love photography. Even if it means I'm the babysitter, director, stylist, host, AND photographer. Taking pictures is my thing and I feel so in tune.

-My voice is back in full! Still coughing up yucky goop but I'm getting better! Yay!

-The Lover is sick as a dog. He said we are not allowed to kiss anymore when if I recall correctly, he was the one demanding the smooch after I told him I was diseased!

-Someone with a $160k degree in photography just told me they like my work and would love to shoot with me. HAH! Ego boosted.

-We have a full schedule ahead of us in the upcoming weeks and months. Can't wait for all of it!

Awwwwww

2009-07-13T18:35:00.001-04:00

This is adorable;

Found here.

PSA

2009-07-13T16:23:00.002-04:00

I post this because The Lover is a huge expiration date freak. He throws food out if it hits the date marked on the package and I have to tell him that the food is still good. So then he does it when I'm not looking. Then I go into the fridge to eat something I was craving only to find out it is missing! He never believes me about eating things after they pass their due date so I'm hoping this video will do some good! The more you know!

Communication

2009-07-12T15:40:00.003-04:00

Let me just say that I miss this place! I hate that I haven't posted in so long! I do have a good reason though. I was sick! I think it was the preschoolers that gave it to me because a few days after they left my throat started hurting. Something in me believes that those who do not spend a lot of time with children are more susceptible to the little bugs they carry around. Who knows if I'm actually right on this.

Anyway, the throat started getting scratchy Tuesday evening and I kept clearing my throat hoping it was nothing. Growing up I would get really bad cases of strep throat every winter without fail. It actually caused me to be allergic to penicillin. Thankfully I don't get it anymore but I have scars. My tonsils remain swollen and pock marked. My voice sounds like I swallowed a golf ball because I actually have two gold balls in my throat. I want them out because I don't think they do any good anymore but I've heard that the surgery is so painful as an adult and really, I'm a freaking wuss. When I bit through my tongue it was the worst pain ever, especially the MONTH afterward where I couldn't eat ANYTHING really. No thanks to mouth pain.

I woke up Wednesday morning with tonsils on fire. I could barely swallow without wincing, a side effect that brings flashbacks of my strep throat days right to the forefront. I hoped to God it wasn't strep. I checked in the mirror for telltale signs but didn't find any. My muscles started to ache pretty bad so I closed up shop and fell right into bed.

Thursday morning I was awakened by snot (mmmm) trying to choke me. I hate that urgent slap in the face that warns you of some imminent danger, like not being able to breathe. From then on I had congestion on top of a sore throat. This caused me to lose my voice. The Lover was probably grateful (haha) but it was difficult to communicate anything! I just couldn't go on with my day. I had some appointments that needed to be canceled because no one could understand me. Really whispering was louder than the scratchy words I tried to spit out in between coughs and throat clearings.

I just didn't realize how important speech is to regular communication until it was taken away. I found myself getting frustrated because the only thing holding me back from doing everyday things was the fact that I couldn't get myself heard. We went to a restaraunt and without thinking I went up to the Wait List lady to give our information. I had to repeat my name ten times before she understood me. I was embarassed by my soft ragged voice and the fact that I couldn't just TALK. I gave up on holding normal conversations with The Lover and resorted to short answers which really weren't good enough. Apparently, I talk a lot.

This went on for a few days and I was getting sick of it. I just wanted my voice back. I wanted to be understood the way I was used to. I wanted to vocalize my existence. Last night as I lay in bed I worried about the upcoming week. My voice hadn't returned and I feared that maybe it wouldn't. I have a lot scheduled next week that requires a voice and I didn't want to cancel. These are make or break sort of things happening. I sat there wondering why I had even lost my voice to begin with. I've had congestion and sore throat before but I don't ever remember losing my voice, ever. Then I wondered if I was being taught a lesson. Maybe lately I've been a little too free with my speech to the point of being rather crass. Harsh even. Maybe I lost it to return to the inner monologue and realize the patterns I've been displaying lately. It was an epiphany sort of. Now I have in sight some things I want to change. Some not so nice things I've let slip through the cracks lately that can't be tolerated. If you have nothing nice to say....

I woke up this morning and my voice had returned.

I Can't Help It

2009-07-07T16:02:00.001-04:00

Birth Control

2009-07-07T12:00:00.002-04:00

Oh let me tell you a little secret! If you are dripping from sweat in the mornings because you just experienced ANOTHER dream full of babies and it sort of made you happy but you KNOW you are crazy because now is NOT the right time just relax for I have found the solution.

The thing that will prevent you from crying while watching 16 and Pregnant because while yes they ARE too young to be parents and yes they show pregnancy in the NOT so glamorous light and even portray the AWFUL painful labor you just can't help but weep a little (ok a lot) when that itty bitty baby pops right out, the thing that will turn you dry and reverse that natural clock is..........

spending the weekend with three toddlers! Energetic toddlers! Energetic, whiny toddlers! Especially if you aren't used to kids this is the PERFECT thing to put yourself in. Jump right into the middle of the pack and just TRY to get them to listen to your demands. By the end of it your uterus will be apologizing to you and asking if you'd like it to remove your very own eggs forever!

It was fun to see them have fun and sort of act like a kid again but it was tiring! It made me realize I am not so ready for that juuuuuuuuust yet which makes me happy as a clam because I was seriously over crying at cute baby pudgy-ness. HAH! I win! (for now)

It's Monday

2009-07-06T15:11:00.003-04:00

What a weekend! It was a whirlwind and I am still a little tired from it all. We were so busy we didn't even get a chance to go to a fireworks show though we saw some explode in the neighborhood. The fun began Friday and didn't end until late last night. I spent all day Saturday with my camera in my hand, this town was so busy with event going on around everywhere I almost felt like a lost chicken running around!

Then this Monday morning I get a few whammy's nearly sending me into a full fledged panic attack only to calm down 30 minutes later and realize I'll find a solution somehow, I always do. Still, what the heck is with the hurdles?

Basically, I couldn't believe that today is Monday. I kept checking the calendar to make sure it wasn't Sunday, a welcome chance to relax a minute. No luck. Back to work.

"Up" In Real Life

2009-07-03T11:02:00.002-04:00

Cute.

Best MasterCard Commercial Parody

2009-07-02T12:34:00.000-04:00

Repost: Let The Mayhem Begin

I rarely do re-posts, but each time the new round of residents shows up in their brand new lab coats, it makes me think of this story. Today I was grinning on the inside yet again.

—–

Medical studies prove it. Interns are more error prone during the first month of their first year in training. July 1 is the “changing of the guard,” so doctors and patients alike – be careful out there.

In honor of the graduating students and the residents graduating to their new PGY year, below is my version of a MasterCard commercial for the best story I heard about a new resident on an OB service. First a bit of an explanation.

When a woman is in labor, doctors will periodically do a gyne exam to determine how dilated the cervix has become. When the cervix is only 1 or 2 cm dilated (sometimes called “fingertip” dilated because all you can get in there is a fingertip), delivery usually isn’t imminent. As the cervix dilates, you can begin to feel the baby’s head (unless there is a breech presentation and you feel a foot or the baby’s buttocks). When the patient hits 8 or 9 cm, the patient usually starts feeling a need to push the baby out. Grab your catcher’s mitt, because the baby is coming. A little more information about cervical dilation in pregnancy is here.

Getting back to the story … mind you that this story is hearsay, but it comes from a friend of mine who worked as a secretary on an OB floor, so I consider her a pretty reliable source. I also did an internet search to make sure that I’m not perpetuating some urban legend and I couldn’t find anything. So here goes:

Medical school education: $240,000
Brand new white lab jacket with embroidered name: $37.50
Four pack of Red Bull to keep you up all night during your first call: $9.00
Obstetrical textbook to learn about the stages of labor: $219
Three one-minute cell phone calls to the chief resident to update him on the patient who is pushing but whose cervix remains “fingertip” dilated: $1.20
Spanish-English dictionary to find out why the patient keeps saying something sounding like “debo empujar” (”I have to push”) and keeps calling you “pendejo“: $16.95
Watching the OB nurse double check the patient’s cervix, flip out, and call for a STAT c-section because the patient’s cervix is fully dilated, the newborn is in a breech presentation, and you’ve been sticking your finger in the kid’s anus instead of the mom’s cervix for the past 30 minutes: priceless

P.S.

2009-07-02T12:08:00.002-04:00

Oh Charleston let me fill you in on The Lover's story. When he was young he lived in your great city (we think it was around the time I was waddling on your beach). It was a good time for him and one he still remembers dearly though eventually his family moved on and away you remained engraved in his head.

Once at adulthood The Lover would take yearly trips to Fripp Island often passing through Charleston. One day he wanted to live in your city and decided to make it a goal before he even met me.

Well, as life would have it The Lover became ensnared in the daily repetition of being stuck in one place and on one path. His strong desire becoming a distant fuzzy memory as it looked like life had tied his journey down to a one way road. That is, until he met me and his life burst at the seams and became an unwritten book once again.

We visited you last year during a difficult time when our hearts were cold and barely beating and our shoulders were heavy with the weight of our problems. We ran to you, dear Charleston, for some relief and you amazed us. You pumped life right through our veins with your scenery brighter than anything I can remember. You helped us skip through the sand and remember what the warmth of the world felt like. You captivated us once again.

I took so many pictures during that short stay that I still glance at to remind myself of the oasis you provided during a cloudy moment in our lives. We can't wait to go back.

See you soon,
Us

Dear Charleston

2009-07-01T13:57:00.002-04:00

You had me at hello, you really did. According to my parents I knew you when I was too young to remember setting my first little steps in the sand of Folly Beach. Before I got a chance to burn your Southern beauty into my mind we headed North to the cold.

I didn't get to see you again until July of last year. We were traveling to Fripp Island for a weekend getaway and passed through. Though I didn't know it at the time you managed to leave a mark in my heart. This past February when we had to decide where we were planning to live next you immediately came to my mind. The big Southern city right on the ocean with the beautiful buildings and nice people.

We went to search you out and even though you did not have anything to give us at the time we made a promise with each other to return again one day. Now you are our goal for the future and our plans to visit you in the future now have agendas of finding a home, some great places to dine, to meet the people, and just generally get to know the area.

You stole our hearts with your beautiful beaches and captured it forever within the walls of your breathtaking city wrapped in Spanish moss. We will see you in the future.

With Love,
Us

Frozen In History

2009-06-30T14:18:00.003-04:00

I decided not to blog about the recent celebrity passings because it seemed everyone was doing it so I just didn't. I still will not go into details about how I feel about the entire thing but something came up that gave me the urge to blog.

MJ will have a public viewing in his NeverLand Ranch on Friday. I want to go to this. I want to see the legend himself and the place he ran and hid to for so long. I want to be frozen in time and history at the time when the world lost another legend. When Elvis and MJ will be interchangeable I want to say I was there, I paid my respects, I saw a huge amount of people pay theirs, I saw the history unfold. (And also, unlike Elvis, he is actually deceased.)

This may be awful of me but I don't think I am alone.

Goodbye Heaven

2009-06-30T10:35:00.002-04:00

I am such a wuss! I let one little bad week get me down, phooey! I know better than to let the small stuff get into my head but it did and I'm stupid. I am grateful for how far I've come and how awesome this opportunity is. I have the chance to live out a dream and I dare sit here and whine about it? Oh no, this won't happen.

What a silly assumption to make, to think I'm no good because I had a slow week! Fear not, the old me is back. Thank you for your kind words, it was a nice reminder. Also to the sis with the mostest. Her email sent me right back up into the clouds.

Here's to a happy Tuesday!

Hello World

2009-06-29T11:39:00.003-04:00

What a weekend it's been. We went to explore the "Grand Canyon of the South" and ended up with queasy stomachs and altitude headaches. It was not the greatest feeling in the world nor the greatest view.

We were up 1,900 feet on some rocks hoping not to fall off. We looked down to the river and wondered what it would be like to fall aaaaaaaaaalllllllll the way down. Then we left and walked up some stairs a little too quickly causing sharp pains to our temples. It sucked.

So we drove around hoping to find something interesting to do and the main attraction was their swimming pool that played old Britney Spears songs. Hey, at least it had a slide, am I right?

The Lover got to break in his new car (oh yeah, he bought a car) and I got queasy as the passenger as he wove through the curvy roads in the mountain. I was over it.

We spent the better part of Sunday cleaning the loft. Down to the baseboards even! The place looks fantastic again and after all that hard work we ordered a pizza. They came in record time but we think it was because a storm was coming though we figured they would arrive AFTER the storm had passed. We ate it's deliciousness only to be sick afterwards. My stomach is still upset. Ugh.

I went to bed last night hoping the start of the week would be better than last week. Instead I'm just reminded of how much I hate the Virginia DMV and when I come to blog about it I realize I LOST a follower. What?? Nice. Not really though.

My confidence is already shaken because last week was just a waste. NO ONE came into the studio except for the girl who put a deposit down. Now my negative nelly is telling me I'm a huge failure and can't do anything right. GAH! I'm trying really hard to be positive because in the first month of business I actually have a booking, managed to get an advertisement in a local magazine, have a regular Friday gig that sometimes pays, and am getting my name out slowly. But last week my website views flatlined and any effort to promote online (like facebook and craigslist) is proving to be a dud. WHAT AM I DOING WRONG???

So I just feel like shit today and want to whine. Someone please send some positive vibes my way! Sigh.

Bristol Veterans Park

2009-06-28T14:49:00.001-04:00

Bristol Veterans Park
Originally uploaded by Fuzzphotoz

This is the only yellow little ducky in our pond. He is so cute! I wonder what it means. The Lover said he's adopted, haha.

I Don't Know About This Shirt

2009-06-26T11:05:00.003-04:00

I think I want it! <-Click the link!

Babies, Babies, Babies

2009-06-26T10:41:00.003-04:00

Yeah, so that little blip where I stopped thinking about babies ended last night. We were watching MTV because of the whole MJ thing and he pretty much made MTV what it was, you know? So after the tribute show a different show comes on called "16 and Pregnant" and I sit here thinking "oh crap, oh crap, oh crap!" while my palms get sweaty.

So they go through the whole nine months and how crazy it is that this little worm is growing inside her belly. It's all cute and my ovaries are screaming "DOOOOOOOOOO WAAAAAAAAAAAN!" and my head is saying "WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU???" So somewhere in the commercials I decide to tell The Lover that I want a baby. His reaction was priceless. Out of nowhere I say "Honey, I want a baby!" and he looks at me like I have ten heads and tentacles swarming around me. I AM SO SORRY.

I then went on to explain that I don't want one right now. Later down the road after marriage and my career takes off. There's just this pull I can't even deny that is yelling at me to reproduce. So his fears are calmed a little but he's on high alert because when we first started dating I was against even thinking about babies. Even I don't know what changed!

We continue watching the show and it gets to the delivery scene. She's passed her due date and now they have to induce her. She is screaming in agony while the mother tells her this is just the beginning. I keep my eyes peeled hoping my ovaries are watching "See what kind of PAIN you will be put through, stupid ovaries????" I watch as this girl spends TWELVE HOURS in labor begging for a c-section. My ovaries are pretty much convinced until the baby pops out and is laid on momma, while she cries. Then it's over for me and MY EYES WELL UP. OH. MY. GOD.

It was so freaking cute!!!!!!!!! My brain says "Didn't you even see the pain she was in?? For twelve hours???? A big boulder ripping her insides out!!!!!!!!!!" Instead of listening my ovaries force my mouth to say "awwwwwwwwwww!" It made me sick!

Not to mention a blog I follow just announced that SHE'S 11 weeks along with her first child. Ugh, ugh, ugh.

Save me! Someone tell me just how awful childbirth is so I stop having these sickening thoughts!!

50mm Fun

2009-06-25T11:14:00.001-04:00

I got to play with my lens yesterday and this is what I came up with. I learned that there is certainly a learning curve with manual focus but I'm excited to work on it!

Enjoy!

Decipher My Dreams

2009-06-25T10:54:00.003-04:00

Usually my dreams are pretty random and nice making me want to stay in dreamland forever. Lately they have been weird. Rarely do my dreams follow a theme but when they do I tend to pay attention. What do these new ones mean?

For the past two nights I've had a dream about forgetting something important. The night before last I dreamt about being a second photographer for a professional photog I know. The problem was that I forgot my freaking camera! I was so upset with myself that we drove back to get it hoping to make it back 5 minutes before the ceremony began. It was hectic!

Then last night I had a dream about another freaking baby. This time I had a boy and he was cute but I kept forgetting him. We were on vacation at the beach and I would accidentally leave him in the condo. Then we would drive somewhere and I'd leave him in the car. When I realized what I had done I'd run to go get him all upset and apologetic. One time an old lady walked up to the car and said "Oh, don't worry about it, I used to forget my kid all the time! It's a lifestyle change really! You have to get used to such a sudden change!" Still I was wracked with guilt over forgetting my own child several times!

So, what the heck do these dreams mean? What am I forgetting? Something important obviously. Something I will remember and feel guilty about but what is it?? I am afraid to find out!!

Scatterbrained

2009-06-24T12:53:00.002-04:00

I have a lot on my mind today! Firstly, life is good! I just ordered a new lens and it finally arrived today. I want to close the doors and go play with this bugger NOW! After just taking a few test shots I can't believe I've gone as long as I have without one. Jeez! Next on the list is a decent wide angle, I better start saving pennies now!

Next, I was all stressed out yesterday fearing I was going to lose a lot of money but my fears were put to rest with a simple phone call this morning. Thank goodness!

Also, I just finished the last book in the Twilight saga. STOP READING NOW IF YOU CARE ABOUT SPOILERS. I will say I was very pleased with the ending actually. So many people said the last book was absolutely horrible and that it practically ruined the whole saga but I was left satisfied. My fear was that they would just suddenly end the book with no closure at all or something more dramatic than that. Maybe my expectations were just so low that it was hard not to be satisfied. Anyway, I'm glad they showed Bella as a vampire and that she wasn't as stupidly retarded anymore. I'm glad SHE saved the group instead of being a worthless woman fleeing from danger all the time instead of standing up to it, she owed them big time in my mind. I'm glad she had a beautiful baby because it satisfied my dreams, it made me realize perfect babies like that don't exist and so my messed up desire to sprout one has ceased. I'm glad Edward finally got to read her mind, maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic but it's cute that he got to see the way she viewed the world with him in it. Personally, I think the author did a good job tying up all the strings as that's not an easy thing to do. I've tried dabbling in writing and I always get stuck tying things together so it all makes sense. Overall, I feel full now having read the book and do not have a deep seeded need for another new one to continue the story, though it would be cool.

OK YOU CAN READ AGAIN.

All in all a good day! The Lover is back in town and back to work. We checked out the new restaurant that opened yesterday and were pleased. We thought it was rather empty so decided to brave it though we were second guessing ourselves. We knew the crew was all brand new and that there would be some hiccups as well as lots of waiting so we made sure to keep an open mind. There were no issues with our order, or the food, or anything else, we just had to wait for our waitress to make her way back to us. It was pretty busy in there for sure.

Now I'm just fidgeting until it's time to close up and head to the park for some camera playtime! Woohoo!!

Hope you all are having a fantastic day!

Smile-Worthy Events

2009-06-22T11:07:00.002-04:00

It's back to Monday and you know what that means, too many days until the weekend again! To curb the inevitability of getting back into the weekly schedule I've decided to post some upbeat personal items in my life that are making me smile from ear to ear!

-The Lover has returned from his trip!!! I finally feel full! I believe the statement "Better when we're together" is all too true with us.

-I broke down yesterday, it all happened when I read Ryan's post about getting a beloved lens for Father's Day. The coveted 50mm lens! He just had to post pictures he took with it and I was done before I even knew what happened. Mine should be here on Wednesday, OH HAPPY DAY.

-The record studio a few stores down plays music on a loudspeaker for those walking down the street to enjoy. I am always happy with their selection but today they have classical music playing and it's really quite something!

-My dog has been such a good boy, I hope it lasts!

-I am really pleased with the pictures I took on Friday. I didn't think they would turn out as good as they did since it was a low light scenario, which this new lens will help with! Yay!

What things in your life make Monday worth it??

heh heh

2009-06-21T18:49:00.002-04:00

On Life Happenings

2009-06-19T14:20:00.002-04:00

1. The President killed a fly with his hand. That's awesome. Screw PETA

2. I love milk so much that I walked 6 blocks one way to buy a gallon since I am running low, in my dress clothes. Talk about desperate!

3. I am split on what I'm supposed to do tonight so I'm just hoping it rains to call it a wash. I feel like a bad person for it. Here I have an obligation I've already committed to and then I was notified of another event that could bring me more business. Blah!

4. I miss my boo. He's stuck in Augusta because the car broke down. I thought it was under warranty because the dealership told me last year that YES THE ALTERNATOR is covered so he took it to Ford to find out it's NOT and now he has to pay $500 to get it fixed. ^&#^%*&($^%*%#*!!!!

5. I miss my boo.

6. I cut up a really potent purple onion the other day and the smell is still on my hand even though I've washed it 4515151 times and have taken showers. What's the deal?

7. We have big cucumbers and tomatoes growing.

More later!

Vacation!

2009-06-19T12:28:00.002-04:00

I want to go on vacation pretty badly! I'm sitting here reading about all the people going off to play in the sand and I find myself pouting like a damn three year old. I knew it would be tough to skip out this year on the week long heaven I'm used to but I didn't realize it would be THAT BAD.

I'm trying not to look at images of the beach, to think about the fun I had for the past 24 years on the weekly vacation, or even open my mind to a small possibility of catching some ocean time this year. Somehow it keeps smacking me in the face that I'm here in the mountains for the summer with NO WATER IN SIGHT. Usually, I at least have a pool nearby that can become a quasi-tropical location after you add friends, strawberry daiquiri's, and a grill. Not this year, that's the bad side of living downtown, the only pool I'll find is the local Y, not so much a tropical paradise.

So while all you lucky bastards get to spend time at the fantabulous place called Heaven just have a drink for me here sulking because I suck. (PS Can I close shop for a week and just run off? haha YEAH RIGHT)

Etsy!

2009-06-18T12:40:00.003-04:00

I bet you thought I forgot about that, huh? Nope! I added a few more items for sale these past two days. Check em out! <-link!

Dreams That Stick Like Freaking SuperGlue

2009-06-18T10:56:00.003-04:00

Ugh, ugh, ugh! I woke up this morning all content and wishing I could stay in bed even LONGER to enjoy the comfy-ness of my squishy pillows, and wrapped in my oh-so lovely comforter. I couldn't, I HAD to wake up and open shop but I really didn't want to. Something was just downright attractive about staying put right in dreamland. That is, until I remembered what I dreamt! (Firefox says dreamt is spelled wrong, THEY are wrong, HA! Firefox is STUPID)

It all came back vividly like a stack of bricks running to knock you to the ground. I dreamt that I was oh-so happily PREGNANT!! Ack! See, for a long time I used to NEVER think about babies and all the cute crap they do. Since I was old enough to understand that childbirth HURTS and SUCKS I have vowed to own more animals than children. In fact, that's what I told my own mother who is patiently waiting for the day she can be called GRANDMA! Ack! Children was never in the gamebook, I thought I was just too selfish, too immature, too NEVER READY to take on that role. Until a year ago.

Now I keep having baby dreams! Last night I went through the entire NINE months of Hell and even after birth. My mind sickenly played the labor scene. Shoot, I even remember lovingly feeling my stomach for the babies head, arms, butt, etc. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Then the child came out and suddenly it was a year old with the CUTEST blonde curly hair and bright blue eyes. It was a GIRL. And I loved her, I actually named her Melissa, after my sister. WHAT?? Now my dreams are sentimental too???

I've been awake since nine am and this dream is still haunting me. Luckily, I know for a gauranteed fact that I am not expecting, THANK GOD. Because honestly, right now is just not the right time for us, there is still a lot we want to do before we even VENTURE down that road. But now, you know, it might not be so bad if we mix our genepool and unleash a little demon into the world. I think it would ADORABLE. But don't tell anyone as I'm still a little freaked out by this sudden 180 my body has taken.

Bubbles don't POP, they RIP, SPLIT, TEAR, CRACK!!!

2009-06-17T11:55:00.001-04:00

Bubbles don't POP, they RIP, SPLIT, TEAR, CRACK!!!
Originally uploaded by richard.heeks

This picture is incredible! What makes it more incredible is it was taken with a D90! Hot!

Like Freaking Out, Man

2009-06-16T18:40:00.002-04:00

My dog has been acting weird all day. Down at the studio he would suddenly jump up from his bed and run to a corner by my desk and the wall, whine and shake. I couldn't figure out what was wrong! Then we come home and he does the same thing! He hides under the bar counter between the wall and a slot machine, whining and shaking!

I take him to the park to see if maybe he needs to go potty or whatever, no, he sits in my lap the entire time, so unusual for the dog that likes to explore and remark "his" park.

I don't get it so I check the weather and a big scary line of storms is coming our way complete with tornado WARNINGS. So I freak out and tell my parents. My dad CALLS me and tells me where to go in case of a tornado (haha) and then suggests it might just be ghosts. THANKS A LOT.

Now I get to be alone in this loft for the rest of the week wondering where the ghosts are until The Lover returns from his business trip. That is, if I survive this freaktastic storm.

Oh yeah, and how cute is this?

Thought of the Day

2009-06-16T13:29:00.000-04:00

Positivity begets positivity.