I Guess What I'm Trying To Say Is.....

You know what happens when you move a lot, like, every two yrs since you were 18? You create single servings, of everything (Thanks Fight Club). Single serving homes, bosses, driving short cuts, friends, gym habits, everything. You stay with one foot out the door knowing the next adventure is just a step away. And while it's a lot of fun to explore new things, cultures, meet new people, it's also really hard to have any semblance of a consistent life. I never said my life was one narrow line, nor do I want it to do. Change is my ever flowing constant, and I love that. But, what if for a moment, I chose to settle? Plant roots, get to know people, let people get to know me, network, volunteer, get involved in my community? Not to say I can't or haven't in the places I've resided for just a short time but moving has become such a habit that sitting still is a voluntary movement. "Ah, these people are nice but when I move I'm sure we won't stay in touch, why bother?" or "This music is okay but since we plan to move I think I'll just ignore it, not get too close" to anything or even anyone. It's hurt me in the long run, here I am two years in and really no one to call a friend. No one nearby I can call and hang out with on the last minute. Not a big deal for a girl who plans to move away again anyway. But what if that's all changed? What if suddenly the looking glass went dim and now all you see is this city surrounding you? What then.

Well I guess that means it's time to explore this twin city and the community. To give myself in to it. Including the music, the people, and the highly opinionated religious views. Time to start weighing in the good and ignoring the bad, at least enough for me to hold my tongue. No more single servings but maybe more servings at the coffee shop. More wine to dine, more wings to eat, more music to explore, more pictures to take. Time to plant some roots and sit around for a while. Have the feeling of truly relaxing and calling a city home. I always believe that home is where you lay your head at night as long as those you care about are nearby. Doesn't matter if it's a hotel, another city, a loft, a house, or even a tent, where your heart lays so does your home. But wouldn't it be nice to really feel at home in a city? To know the city streets, the people, the vibe? To feel it beat within your own heart? Wouldn't that be nice to know?

We will see I guess, the beach can wait.

On What I'm Doing Right Now

Sitting in a hotel room in a small ass town with a dog I had to sneak in. Shhhhhhhhh! So far he's only barked once and when I went to take him potty I stuck him in a bag where he refused to keep his head down. We made it this time, wonder how lucky we'll be next time.

Also, this week, my family is at the beach. I was supposed to go. I requested the time off but it got denied for a training program that is conveniently happening this week. All I get is a t shirt and < .50 cent raise. This better be worth it. (I already hate this company.)

Consider me bitter and a rebel. That is my week.

On Where I'm At

Isn't it funny how rapidly life grows and things shine in to focus then out again? I haven't touched this blog since February and no need to either. Suddenly, within the last few weeks, I've felt an overwhelming urge to spill my soul onto these pages yet again. Quick remarks won't cut it these days and sometimes that's okay.

This blended post belongs to all things current. With my thoughts stretching out like a maze and the length of rope too short to lasso one concentrated thought I've decided to blurt about it all. Consider it a rewelcoming.

I don't know how long this urge to post long winded posts will be but I'll enjoy it while it lasts.

Currently I am digging;

NPR. Recently I made the 11hr trip up to New York to visit with family and shoot a wedding and because my car is an ancient 2005 my only music option is cds. I just didn't feel like listening to the same 6 cds over and over and over and over again so I opted for some NPR. It kept me wide awake which I have this horrible habit of falling nearly to sleep on the road. It's just so soothing and before I know it my eyelids are like concrete and my neck can no longer carry my head. It's pretty scary actually, to catch a Z and jump to consciousness realizing you've got a steering wheel in your hands. So NPR has filled the void by making my brain think about the interesting stories they talk about. Ever since then I've been hooked. Haven't listened to a cd since!

Hiking. I want to hike. I want to hike everywhere! I've done a lot lately and it leaves me hungry for more. I want one of those hiking sticks so I can put all sorts of medallions on it!

Outdoor Pools. It's been my summer mission to find an outdoor pool for me to use. No such luck yet but once I find one I'll be glued every Monday & Tuesday I am not hiking. Most likely those ucky humid days where hiking would be a disastrous nightmare.

Photography. I've been digging some awesome photography lately. Finding lots of inspiring photogs as well as growing my own skill set. It's killer.

Fresh Fruit. They are all sorts of yummy this season. I want it to last and last but I know it won't.

Summer Storms. They rock. We've been having a lot of evening storms pop up and they always make things interesting. They bring fresh air, amazing lightning shows, and base that'll knock your face!

New York. When I went up to NY this last trip I discovered more about the place than I did in the 15 or so years I lived there! The weather was so pleasant and perfect for exploration. I wish I knew of the awesomeness that is New York.

Just a few of the many things I am enjoying at this moment. May I see y'ins soon!

>1 Year Later

And when I see those faces from the past I go through a kaleidoscope of emotions. I don't seek out these faces, they pop out in unwelcome surprise and the shock of emotion swells like the angry tide. I thought I was over it, put it to rest, but it's like an angry ghost ready for more haunting. I don't know why it's so hard to swallow this pill. Maybe because there was so much left undone and unsaid. Rarely do I go out without guns blazing, or at least my piece of the pie handed out. Over one year later and I still feel the overwhelming urge to do something, anything. Anything to bring closure at last.

Will it ever happen or will the feelings just dim enough that eventually they'll feel like a flame flickering out?

Originally

I had thought I could do many little random snippits on this blog but it seems it's complicated. If I want to reblog what someone else wrote to include my own commentary, forget it. This is the place for long winded rants and raves and I love it so. It's my little bitty corner of the internet.

However, I think lots of random things that don't add up into a well thought out blog post so I needed a place for that. It originally started as a picture blog but then I started to follow lots of other tumblrs and it just happened. Today as a matter of fact. So I will use that spot for quick thoughts and this lovely area to spill my heart out.

If you have a tumblr follow me over here! Heck you don't even need a tumblr!

P.S. I so totally just had a photoshoot for my dog in front of my Christmas tree. Yes, yes I did. Pics soon!

Procrastination

This is funny. I just read a blog post on procrastination and now I am doing it myself. I have a list of things I could be doing instead of writing a blog post but I'm not. Oh the rebel in me continues!

Let me finish my NY story real quick then I'll get to the more recent stuff. So Thanksgiving was a bunch of fun especially since I didn't cook. I just ate! I'm good at that you see. Then I helped clean after dinner. It's sort of an unspoken agreement in MY household with The Lover that if he cooks I will clean but if I cook I will clean. aha. Anyway, I was fulfilling my duties when a whole bunch of my female family members all decided to pitch in. As we were cleaning away we began to sing Christmas Carols. It was an almost magical moment until my grandmother started in. haha Just kidding! But no really, it was great and I think we even had great harmony! It definitely brought out some of that hidden Christmas spirit.

Then on Friday everyone kind of hung out. We played Guitar Hero band. I think I like this one better because the drums has symbols. Anyways, EVERYONE pitched in on the singing, guitars, drums, all of it! It was fun even if we did fail every single song. That is until the hardcore players got on there. HA !

On Saturday everyone left. What poops! My sister and I went to see New Moon. I am team Jacob now, he is just so freaking hot. I also think the movie is missing a key point that is pushing everyone to Jacob. In the books you got a sense that this was fate, Edward and Bella, as if there was nothing else, it just was so it was going to just be. In the movies it seems to be portrayed as some freaking high schooler not knowing enough about life to stay free of obsession with boys. Oh well.

Sunday we were supposed to go home but we didn't. We stayed another day and made it to the Niagara Falls. Since none of us had passports except the bro we had to stay on the American side but it was still nice. Cold though, veeeeeeeeery cold. After that we saw the bro's apartment in Buffalo while he attends UB and that's it. THE END.

Since we've been back here I've been super busy. No complaints! The Lover went home that weekend we got back and came home with lots of new toys! Christmas came early for him and I'm so excited he's getting what he deserves because life has been unfairly hard on him. One of the gifts were TWO brand new mattresses! One for us and one for the guest bed which was previously a slat of cardboard....haha sorry guests! Our mattress is so squishily soft! It's like a little cocoon and I love it so! The Lover also got a new dslr camera and a huuuuuuuuuuuge iMac! I'm so jealous because it's so beautiful! He needed a new computer as his laptop was giving him the blue screen of death literally every week. He was over it!

Next we decided it was time to get a tree! Because we have 20ft or so ceilings we wanted to go big. We don't know if we'll have that opportunity ever again! So we stopped at this pre-cut lot that gets their trees from a local mountain. The price was right on a 12' tree we just needed a new heavy duty stand! This tree is 250lbs!!! So we went to another lot to see what their prices were like and if they had any tips for standing this monster! Not only were they MORE expensive but they told us the best way to get it to stand was to hook a strap into the wall and wrap it around the tree! WHAT On our way out they told us we wouldn't find it cheaper anywhere else. LOL

So we finally get this tree and I have to help lug this thing inside. Usually no problem but who knew a few extra feet would add 300 more pounds to the darn thing?? After lots of grunting and screaming we got it in and up! We waited a day to decorate so the bows could fall and also we needed to get more decorations. We used a ladder to decorate this darn thing and put on 1,000 lights. We went with a red and silver theme and I am so pleased with it! It's such a pretty, MASSIVE beast. The Lover put a train around it and we called it a night! It is definitely the biggest tree I've ever had, officially. It's insane!

Best of 2009

I never follow the rules. It's a pretty bad trait of mine but whatever. If I can get away with it it's not ALL that bad is it?

Soooooooo a lot of my bloggy friends are doing a series of Best of 2009. Really the only one I think I can answer is best trip of 2009.

This was a hard one because we actually went to several different places so I had to make it an even tie. One was the trip to NY recently to see all my family for the holidays. It was a lot of fun to see everyone and reconnect. Life is so much more different when you're an adult, almost easier sometimes. aha what?

The other one would be our numerous trips to Charleston. I know, I know, will she just shut up about that city already?? Um, no. I can't and don't feel like even trying! I love that town and the memories we've already acquired are AWESOME.

I don't really have a Best of 2009 restaurant, book, going out night, or whatever. Nothing stands out as WOW! Know what I mean?

2009 isn't over yet but it's getting ever closer! I just decorated the loft today while it snowed outside and the Christmas music played. I'm very pleased with the outlook but I want to try and add more if I can! All we really need is a tree and maybe some festive dish towels or something for the kitchen. Ah, I love Christmas!