I Guess What I'm Trying To Say Is.....

You know what happens when you move a lot, like, every two yrs since you were 18? You create single servings, of everything (Thanks Fight Club). Single serving homes, bosses, driving short cuts, friends, gym habits, everything. You stay with one foot out the door knowing the next adventure is just a step away. And while it's a lot of fun to explore new things, cultures, meet new people, it's also really hard to have any semblance of a consistent life. I never said my life was one narrow line, nor do I want it to do. Change is my ever flowing constant, and I love that. But, what if for a moment, I chose to settle? Plant roots, get to know people, let people get to know me, network, volunteer, get involved in my community? Not to say I can't or haven't in the places I've resided for just a short time but moving has become such a habit that sitting still is a voluntary movement. "Ah, these people are nice but when I move I'm sure we won't stay in touch, why bother?" or "This music is okay but since we plan to move I think I'll just ignore it, not get too close" to anything or even anyone. It's hurt me in the long run, here I am two years in and really no one to call a friend. No one nearby I can call and hang out with on the last minute. Not a big deal for a girl who plans to move away again anyway. But what if that's all changed? What if suddenly the looking glass went dim and now all you see is this city surrounding you? What then.

Well I guess that means it's time to explore this twin city and the community. To give myself in to it. Including the music, the people, and the highly opinionated religious views. Time to start weighing in the good and ignoring the bad, at least enough for me to hold my tongue. No more single servings but maybe more servings at the coffee shop. More wine to dine, more wings to eat, more music to explore, more pictures to take. Time to plant some roots and sit around for a while. Have the feeling of truly relaxing and calling a city home. I always believe that home is where you lay your head at night as long as those you care about are nearby. Doesn't matter if it's a hotel, another city, a loft, a house, or even a tent, where your heart lays so does your home. But wouldn't it be nice to really feel at home in a city? To know the city streets, the people, the vibe? To feel it beat within your own heart? Wouldn't that be nice to know?

We will see I guess, the beach can wait.

On What I'm Doing Right Now

Sitting in a hotel room in a small ass town with a dog I had to sneak in. Shhhhhhhhh! So far he's only barked once and when I went to take him potty I stuck him in a bag where he refused to keep his head down. We made it this time, wonder how lucky we'll be next time.

Also, this week, my family is at the beach. I was supposed to go. I requested the time off but it got denied for a training program that is conveniently happening this week. All I get is a t shirt and < .50 cent raise. This better be worth it. (I already hate this company.)

Consider me bitter and a rebel. That is my week.

On Where I'm At

Isn't it funny how rapidly life grows and things shine in to focus then out again? I haven't touched this blog since February and no need to either. Suddenly, within the last few weeks, I've felt an overwhelming urge to spill my soul onto these pages yet again. Quick remarks won't cut it these days and sometimes that's okay.

This blended post belongs to all things current. With my thoughts stretching out like a maze and the length of rope too short to lasso one concentrated thought I've decided to blurt about it all. Consider it a rewelcoming.

I don't know how long this urge to post long winded posts will be but I'll enjoy it while it lasts.

Currently I am digging;

NPR. Recently I made the 11hr trip up to New York to visit with family and shoot a wedding and because my car is an ancient 2005 my only music option is cds. I just didn't feel like listening to the same 6 cds over and over and over and over again so I opted for some NPR. It kept me wide awake which I have this horrible habit of falling nearly to sleep on the road. It's just so soothing and before I know it my eyelids are like concrete and my neck can no longer carry my head. It's pretty scary actually, to catch a Z and jump to consciousness realizing you've got a steering wheel in your hands. So NPR has filled the void by making my brain think about the interesting stories they talk about. Ever since then I've been hooked. Haven't listened to a cd since!

Hiking. I want to hike. I want to hike everywhere! I've done a lot lately and it leaves me hungry for more. I want one of those hiking sticks so I can put all sorts of medallions on it!

Outdoor Pools. It's been my summer mission to find an outdoor pool for me to use. No such luck yet but once I find one I'll be glued every Monday & Tuesday I am not hiking. Most likely those ucky humid days where hiking would be a disastrous nightmare.

Photography. I've been digging some awesome photography lately. Finding lots of inspiring photogs as well as growing my own skill set. It's killer.

Fresh Fruit. They are all sorts of yummy this season. I want it to last and last but I know it won't.

Summer Storms. They rock. We've been having a lot of evening storms pop up and they always make things interesting. They bring fresh air, amazing lightning shows, and base that'll knock your face!

New York. When I went up to NY this last trip I discovered more about the place than I did in the 15 or so years I lived there! The weather was so pleasant and perfect for exploration. I wish I knew of the awesomeness that is New York.

Just a few of the many things I am enjoying at this moment. May I see y'ins soon!

>1 Year Later

And when I see those faces from the past I go through a kaleidoscope of emotions. I don't seek out these faces, they pop out in unwelcome surprise and the shock of emotion swells like the angry tide. I thought I was over it, put it to rest, but it's like an angry ghost ready for more haunting. I don't know why it's so hard to swallow this pill. Maybe because there was so much left undone and unsaid. Rarely do I go out without guns blazing, or at least my piece of the pie handed out. Over one year later and I still feel the overwhelming urge to do something, anything. Anything to bring closure at last.

Will it ever happen or will the feelings just dim enough that eventually they'll feel like a flame flickering out?