Friday, July 17, 2009

The Wordless Way

After being a mute for a week I feel like I have nothing to say at all. Least not anything important. I realized how much breath I waste on meaningless topics and useless drivel. It sort of goes on and on until it's just a buzz in my head. Maybe I need to be looked at.

Maybe without the buzz the empty spaces in my mind lead to a scary hollow silence that fiercely echoes pin drop noises. With all that room filled with nothing how could I possibly think of something to say? Time to turn the buzz back on I suppose. Swirl the words into a big enough concoction to convince the world I am me and should be heard. Maybe I'm trying too hard.

I definitely feel that pull. The need to be the number one, the best, in your face lest you forget. I am here, I am loud, I won't go away until you appease me oh please be the answer I am looking for! Instead of the pull it turns to a push, a sort of nagging hush, my force to be reckoned with. Yet it's easily ignored and the ticking tock of the pressure builds behind my eyes to be something, to be number one.

What really needs to happen is a planting of seeds along a very fertile road leading to greatness and a shiny crown. No need to rush or for the pressure behind the scenes to push. In due time the curtains will blow back and the play will commence so no need to worry, or fret, or push the me, the who, the what I am. Human nature is not so forgiving.

Buzz, buzzing, buzzed.

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